How does xmas time affect others? Does it make you feel better or worse?

Xmas isn't a good time for me. And each year it gets harder to get the xmas spirit. When I had a youngen in the house, I would take that extra effort to find it. This year my daughter is an adult spending most of her time with friends, so there seems little point. I even resorted to walking up & down xmas aisles in shops to get the "spirit". However, the only thought that kept coming to mind was "I'll be the one putting it all up, then I will be the one stuck with pulling it all down & cleaning up afterwards". No doubt it will be too hot for hubby, and I can never be bothered with their moods at having to help me... so I do it myself.

<sighs>.... I have to do it now, because as I was writing this I got informed by the family that xmas is going to be here because I am closest to the beach. They must have been reading my mind & known it would really impress me. I wonder if its too late to move!

And to think I was having enough problems getting motivated to write out greeting cards to my clients this year. Though at least I get an income off them... family just makes my headaches into migraines.

Yer, I know what your saying. I have found it quite difficult to get into Christmas, or any celebrations actually, over the past years, and it doesn't get any better as the years go on. I am going to the wifes family this year, and they are all very family orientated, which means I will have constant people in my face / in my grid square to deal with, even if I don't want to talk on a particular occasion. The worst thing is, is that my wifes Aunty is sick and dieing of cancer in the same location Christmas is. They are doubting she will even make it to Christmas.

I have already told Kerrie-Ann that I don't do funerals, so will not be attending that. I'm going to have sadness surrounding me for Christmas... oh, this is going to be a challenging Christmas for my PTSD. If the dieing Aunty wasn't happening, then I would handle it better, but my mind is already processing it all now, and just seeing how upset Kerrie-Ann is everytime she talks with her mum on the phone about it. We will be at her mums in about 2 weeks time, so my brain is in overtime... definately overtime.

I'll be thinking off you Camry during this holidays, as where both going to be in the shit...

Anthony and Camry

I am an expert at being a grinch at Christmas time. I hate the part of sitting around talking about how wonderful the tree looks. And oh, the kids are having so much fun. And such good food too. Everyone puts on the "happy face" Christmas Eve and everyone is lovey-dovey. And my head feels like it is ready to explode.

You know what makes me feel good? When I get home I turn on my radio real soft as I'm falling asleep, and listen to Christmas music. PEACE AND QUIET.

I can't wait till Christmas is over. I'm not a decorator. I can't get into a Christmas spirit --- especially when it is "expected of you" because that is what you are supposed to do at Christmas time. Nothing pisses me off more than being "expected" to put on a smiley face when I don't feel that way.

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not the only one!!! Thanks friends!

Kay

So sorry to hear about Kerie-Ann's aunt. One of my best friends died of breast cancer a few years ago ... it can really drain your soul.

But I feel so much better hearing someone else say they dont do funerals. I often get called cold because I dont. When I didnt attend my father & brothers funeral I copped huge backlash off family. It's not because of PSTD that I dont attend, I have just never come to terms with funerals. I prefer to remember their life rather than become absorbed in their death. I also hate hearing about how I wont achieve closure if I dont go too. Knowing they are no longer with me is closure enuff.

I know my druggie sister is going to cause havoc again this year. She always does. Last year she stole my beautiful border collie dog on Xmas day which was very heartbreaking, I couldnt even get it back with the cops or the courts (after 4mnths of fighting it! It seems that a dog registered in your name & even microchipped, isnt classed as yours unless you have the receipt from the purchase of it! Then possession is 9/10th of the law!!!)

So I would much prefer to just run & hide this year at Xmas.

I'm not normally a drinker either, but this year I will have a bottle of Cougar ready for dutch courage!

While time heals the way in which you can handle everyday life, it never quite heals on how you deal with stressful situations. It's like a part of your brain has turned into crystal & get continues to shatter.

So my thoughts will be with you too, and knowing what it feels like.

And my condolences to Kerri-Ann too for having to go thru such a trying time.

How right you are Kay! It pisses me off being "expected" to anything. Which is why I wish I wasnt such a sucker at times!

Geez.... we should all get together one year at Christmas, and have a Christmas sucks party... we'd probably actually enjoy it more, as we all know what each other is already thinking about the whole expectation thing...

Thanks Camry... Kerrie-Ann has read it... she is pretty sad about it all at the moment, and not very talkative about it, as it upsets her pretty quickly. It looks as though her aunt may not even make it a couple of days from reports. See what happens.

Yer, totally agree, that I prefer to remember those I know when departed, the way they where, and not the way they are dead. My brothers was the last one I attended when I was only 17, and now 33, so that is some years. I didn't attend either of my nana's when they passed over the last couple of years, or anyone else that has died. I just don't do them anymore. I know that attending my brothers had a rather large impact on me in this area, but I know that PTSD does also, in that I have no empathy or emotion to others around me who are grieving, as I would just stand there and say nothing, or not want to support them, as I can't support myself during such a time, hence I ensure all emotions are turned off.

Being emotionless at those times, I don't think is a good thing to have around for those grieving the lose... as you say Camry, people just think your cold and heartless.

Kay, you crack me up. Kerrie-Ann has just read your post, and said "the grinch... thats you sweetheart"! Doh... been nailed again. Everyone else I know with PTSD all say the same thing... they just can't wait for it to be over, and have peace time again... quiet and without anybody in your face.

You'll know if things are going to shit for me, as come whatever day/s it is, I will probably be on here venting, so I don't punch or abuse someone, lose my temper and so forth. I will have the notebook on standby, connected and ready to go... :)

me personaly have always been depressive durring the holidays. i just always feel empty like im missing something. then people just try to get me happy with songs that just irritate me.