Hello Everybody,

I was initially diagnosed with PTSD in 2002. I had been seeing a therapist for several months. I mainly talked about superficial issues because I was in emotional moratorium. Then I began having horrible night frights. They were deeper than dreams or nightmares because my eyes were open and I just couldn't kick out of it. A big horrible shadow figure kept overcoming me. I would pray and cry but it still came. Thinking myself absolutely and undoubtably psychotic I began to experience some pretty severe depression. Only a few weeks following this period I started having flashes of memories in the form of smells, sounds, and strange tactile reactions to anyone even so much as slightly touching me. Being a mother and a wife, this was very horrible for me. After contriving a rudimentary plan I alerted my husband that if I did not find help I was not going to survive. I went into the hospital. A humbling experience to say the least. Since that time I have come to grips with my amnesia and realized that my flashbulb memories were based on reality and that besides the one traumatic molestation I suffered by my half brother (of which I have always had full memory) I was in fact sexually abused by my biological father, my mother, and two of my half brothers from a very young age until well into my adolescent years. I also have PTSD from nine years of marriage to a man who took great pleasure in sexual sadism. The imagination of perversion has no boundaries!!!!!! I am now married to a true man who is both my husband and my best friend. He has been and continues to be a very wonderful and trustworthy support in my life. Sometimes I wonder if a person can have secondary PTSD from empathizing with someone they love. I've not read much research on that but I do believe it is possible. I am very glad to be here. Although I am very capable of spitting on the mat and calling the cat a blank! ... For the most part I am a mooshy, cooshy, sentamental but very deeply philosophycal person. I can be serious as cardiac arrest one moment but when my brain decides on its own to sneak out with some spontanious flatulence, In a state of Mental ADHD I will display my very juvenile and slapstick sense of humor! Yes! Farts are funny! Poo Poo is funny! Stinch is funny! Exagerated body parts such as butts, eyeballs, and noses are simply hillarious! By the way, I absolutely LOVE the smiles!!!!! These are my favorite, :drugs: :kickass: :dummy-spi I look forward to talking more. I'm a little scared and hope it is OK to be me, sensitive, complicated, fun, funny, but so many times very much hurting, anxious, fatigued, and even amid a wonderful family support system quite lonely.
LUV & CARE
Momma Marilyn

Marilyn, welcome to the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story, you really had been through a lot.
Hope that you will find a support here.
Best wishes,
Linda

Marilyn, It sounds as if you have been thru lots of unimaginable things I have found those here on this site are wonderfull support, Glsd to hesr thst you have remained in touch with your humerous side you will need it to get thru this . May you find Peace

Thank you Linda and mouse. Its nice to feel welcome to share my struggles and hopefully along the way a few good jokes! Hee! Hee! I'm doin' pretty good today. Got a buch of junk to get done but not in too much of a hurry to do so. Glad to be acquainted with ya and look forward to gettin' to know ya more!
LUV & CARE
Marilyn

I havent been active very long but this place seems to be helpful and caring.
I have gotten some real good advice here.