Hello all, not sure how to start so I will just jump in.

I am a mother of 4 ranging from 2 years old to a couple teens from Texas. I have a hobby farm that used to be one of my favorite past times. I raise geese, guineas, turkeys, ducks, rabbits and chickens. I have a retired livestock guardian dog I have had for years, 2 more LGDs working outside, and my best bud my indoor guard dog always by my side. Several barn cats since one had kittens just recently, and a cat that is housed with us the last few years due to our family in military was allowed to only to move only so many of their pets.

The most important part is my very supportive husband who has helped me and held me up through some very trying times over the last year. He is my life as are my kids.

I have had several things happen through out my life to contribute to my condtion and have always been considered by myself as a bit anti social and by others a bit bitchy, and an over protective mom. I am still having a hard time swallowing or accepting the PTSD diagnosis. It is scary.

I never thought I had PTSD I thought it was a combat only thing. It "surfaced" and was diagnosed when I was diagnosed Panic Disorder. I was treated by my GP for panic attacks that hit "out of the blue" and after not being able to control them he sent me to a shrink. She in turn gave me the diagnosis PTSD along with PD. I see her and have been coming off medications as I was way over safe levels of xanax to treat panic attacks 9-10 mg a day. I am down to 5 and this evening another step down to 4.5 so in a couple days I will feel like hell again.

I currently see her and a go through CBT with another doctor now. The attacks still are improving even though cutting the meds. My attacks were my major concern and now this something else to adress. She had said it can surface years later, which I did not understand but going through the symptoms it looks like I may have had it for a while but just dealt with it and went as just being part of my personality just really did go along until it was caught and PD hit me. Not sure if that makes any sense.

Hi Veiled, and a big welcome to the community.

I understand exactly what you are saying, and have walked the exact same path symptom wise, and the life that those symptoms push us into. Yes, PTSD is often something that we get, though we don't actually know we have it, until such a time where our body basically is rejecting the trauma that we have within us, and wants it out, so the only way for our body to do that, is resurface our pasts to the top, which in turn sends us nearly nuts symptom wise, though if dealt with and hit head on, will subside to a less traumatic and fairly symptom free life. PTSD is no curable, that is fact, but it most certainly can be tamed, controlled and become part of us in a good sense, and no longer the miserable sense of life it tends to resolve.

Its great that your working with doctors to help yourself, that is a great beginning. It takes years to recover from PTSD itself, and that is years of constant hard work to achieve it, too such a level where it is near non-existant in day to day life, providing you don't subject yourself to known triggers and situations that could flare specific symptoms again.

What you have begun to know as yourself, or referred as the cranky bitch, you will find with a little work with your doctors and good support, education and understanding, you will become the lovely person I am sure you once where, without the PTSD related cranky moods.

Don't beat yourself up about what PTSD has done, because regardless what you did, you couldn't fight it forever. You are becoming aware of the illness obviously as you learn and educate yourself, in conjunction with professional help, and you need to realise that everything that is/has happened to you in regard to symptoms, is very normal with PTSD. It actually isn't your fault, and thats not just a cop out statement to relinquish blame, its factual.

From what you have stated Veiled, you are doing everything right, you just need time and a little support with understanding, which we can certainly give you here, as most here suffer PTSD at severe and chronic levels, or once did. There is a wealth of experience here, and your now part of that experience Veiled, in that what each of us has learned about ourselves, is shared and helps others. People think that they are often the one's that need help, though often don't realise they can help others by just being around to say "hey, I know exactly what you mean," and things like that.

I have no doubt you have a wealth of experience with yourself, because lets face it, nobody knows you better than yourself. There is nothing really for you to do as such here Veiled, just be yourself, chat, get support, and by doing so, you will often find others are getting support from your words and experience. There is no effort required here, just be yourself, meet new people who know what your going through, and maybe you might learn something to help yourself, or even help someone with your own experience.

Dig in and welcome aboard. This community belongs to all of us Veiled, and now you also, which you are more than welcome to be part off if you choose. I would love to chat more with you... and look forward too it if you allow us.

Welcome....

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

Welcome veiled!

I'd love to have a hobby farm with all those animals...
yep I'm a pet lover too :)

Glad to have you here and can't wait to learn more about everything

Welcome!
I hope you find this forum to be a great help.

Hello veiled! Panic keeps hitting all of us. Don't worry, you're normal!