Absolutely veiled. Marriage is difficult, even at the best of times. Seems many people simply do not want to make the necessary sacrifices and compromises. If people worked as hard on their marriages as they do on planning big elaborate weddings, there would be far fewer divorces I believe. I don't know about others, but my marriage vows included "for better or for worse" and "in sickness and in health". That about says it all in my mind.

It would be lovely to have your husband's input.

Kathy I agree, My first marriage i stuck it out for 2 years trying to get my wife to give up her lesbian lover. Now i have a wife with PTSD. She thinks she will be happier away from me and with her old boyfriend she new 20 years ago. She says im a good husband and father and doesnt know why she want to leave and she feels guilty. I dont think it is all PTSD. Mid life crisis maybe. I havent seen to many people leave spouses for other interests in this forum. Usually because of the wear and tear of the depression, anxiety, stress, anger. I can see that if it is abusive or a bad for the kids, but because of a fantasy from a loving relationship 20 years ago. I dont think so. I dont leave marriages because im unhappy. It can be worked through. Unless of course your spouse is more caught up in another person. Both spouses giving it 100%. If not its shot to hell.

Yesterday my daughter told me she hates it in our home, she says all we do is fight. My husband and I always bickering over my PTSD, or me not 'feeling good'. My husband (Ubu) is right about not giving it our all.. I guy from 20 years ago is someone I've never forgotten, or gotten over. I recently found out that he's felt the same all these years. We were both unaware and afraid to talk to the other. So this of course added to the problems in my home.

My husband and I had problems before the '20 yr guy' came into the picture, our blended family issues, my depression and other symptoms of PTSD, his issues over his failed marriage, kids, church, work, and subsequently his drinking problem. Its become too much for me to handle, in addition to my own shit.

This thing with the '20 yr guy' may or may not ever happen.. but its an unresolved thing, I cant just turn it off. My Ubu is a wonderful man, and I've taken responsibility for my share of this situation and then some. I'm trying to keep everyone happy, & in the process, NOBODY is happy. My daughter wants to move out, (she's 13) I feel completely hollow, I have NO idea who I am anymore. I feel guilty for making my husband hurt & I feel like I'm helpless.

I guess I feel like leaving is the best answer. Letting my husband off the hook, not having to deal with me and my problems. Giving myself a chance to finally find out who I am. (20 yr guy) lives in another state and is not going to be part of the equation. I need to get over my feelings of hurt and bitterness about my employer's complete lack of acknowledgement of my work related issue. (I WAS a part of that family for almost 11 years) They shit on me, when I needed them the most.

I'm sorry that my husband is getting the brunt of this shit.. he doesnt deserve it. I'm doing the best I can - but I'm seriously at the end of my fkn rope.. he has no idea how desperately I mean this. I'm frantically treading water here.. and I'm NOT winning.

With my previous post I was frustrated and I looked up PTSD and Mid Life Crisises. With what my wife is going through there was alot of overlaping. I am still trying to understand all of this. I was posting with incorrect information. At the time it made sense. I get scared, frustrated, and angery. I was wrong.

Since both of you are owning up to these things I see you making good steps and working towards working things out. BTW 13 going on 30 attitude of "I want to move out, I am not happy here" is not that unusual. You do have to be a united front with children.

I think that the only time there is such thing as a happy ending is when both parties learn to work together to try to make life as simple and as happy as possible for the other. Both need to sacrifice!
My partner and I are in a bit of a different boat; you see he was diagnosed with PTSD just before we got together; not even three months after that we started the PTSD course. I didn't know my partner before PTSD and I learnt alot about it early on.
Don't get me wrong we have some really bad days but most days we work together to make life better for ourselves and our boys. The hardest part for me has been to decipher between whether he wants to talk or to be left alone. I recommend having 'signs'. For example- if my partner needs alone time I have told him to hang something on the door of the room he is in- that way I know not to walk in and bug him by trying to get him to talk.
Our life is complicated- we argue regularly- but we have one rule that neither of us has ever broken. We always give each other a hug and kiss and say we love each other before we go to bed every night.
It may not be much- but at least if he's having a bad day, when he says he loves me, it makes all the shit for the day worthwhile.
It may not be the ideal happy ending, but it's a happy ending to every day; and with PTSD, it's alwasy one day at a time.
Hope this helped some one; or cheered someone up anyway.