Geez...where to start. I am a retired police officer and I have recently resigned. I did not realize I had PTSD, until I saw a doctor in December. I have kept this buried inside of me for a long time, just hoping it would all go away. I have the normal night terrors that police officers get, but that isn't what affected me most.

Several years ago, my mother was very sick with diabetes. She had the diabetic ulcers on her legs and could barely walk. I was home visiting and I heard her let out a yell. One of the ulcers on her leg had let go and took out the main artery in her leg. She collapsed into a chair. I applied pressure with my hands to her leg, my father kept her head still as she was loosing too much blood and going into seizures and my sister called paramedic's. The paramedic's were a laugh, bought oxygen and the tank was empty. Complained about having to carry my mother down the stairs, banged her head on the banister several times. We rushed to the hospital, to find out my mother was brain dead and being hooked up to life support. I walked outside and heard a paramedic telling anyone who would listen, How this Fing fat women bled all over his ambulance and ruined his uniform and he was going to make the family pay for it. After hearing him do this several times, I walked over told him to STFU and told him what I thought of his service for my mother. I returned inside.

The doctor told us, that we should go home and call the family as she wouldn't last long on life support. I could not allow my family into the house with all the blood and the mess. I sent my father to talk to relatives and my younger sister and son over to friends houses. It took me two garbage bags of rags and washing the floor about 8 times to clean everything up. Then I realized, I could not put these things out in the trash, so I washed them all. By the time I was finished, I was covered in blood from head to toe. I will not tell the rest of the gory details, as no one wants to hear it...trust me.

welcome to the forum, thornbird. i am so sorry that you had to go through the trauma that you did. it must be horrible, i'm sure. glad that you got to the dr. for some treatment. do you have therapy with a counselor? this is a good place to learn and start healing.
cathy

Welcome :)

I tried the counsellor thing. But their idea of counselling me was to take me into a room at the back of a building and read to me from books on anxiety. My feelings, my thoughts, my emotions where never talked about. I walked out on my last session. I don't think they have dealt with many people with PTSD.

Welcome :)
You have come to a good place.

welcome Thornbird-- First I am deeply sorry for your loss that is a difficult thing to deal with leta lone be ther while it happens, medically it sounds like you did all you could for your mom, dont ever think you didnt.
2- I am sorry that you got an ambulance crew that were (well lets call a spade a spade) reall incmpetant Jerks aslo insensitive , black humor as you knopw is how a lot of these incidents are handled . It doesnt make it right nor excusable fro that I am even more sorry. I hope and I pray that you are able to realize that Paramedics are people to prone to stupid mistakes and saying the wrong thing but please dont paint or lump all medics together some really do care about the patient and the family and it is hard on them as well after a loss. As you can guess I am a medic and I know of what you talk , you were a cop I am sure you made similar mistakes, as hard as it sounds let go and forgive, it will help you heal.

This is a great plavce with great people and support I hope you find what you are looking for here.--Mouse

Hi Thornbird... welcome to the forum. Your making presumptions for others now.... stating nobody wants to hear about the rest of your trauma. Well... I think you might find your wrong, because I do, and am sure others also want to hear about it. Why? Because you need to talk about it, you need to get it out of you, you need to find reasoning with it, you need to be supported, and that is the idea of this place.

Welcome to the forum Thornbird.. sorry for the loss of your Mother.. I know how hard that is. I know you'll find alot of love and support here, just hang in there with us.

Welcome Thornbird. Cop here too. Don't blow off any therapy. Just like anything else sometimes you have to keep looking till you find the right one. This is a good safe place to say just about anything you want. If you havn't yet check out the Trauma Diaries section. You'll find people with some similar stories.