hi hodge,
the lamictal is the mood stabilizer that they put me on to control my rage and depression when everything went to hell last september. So finally 250 mg of lamictal was where I finally got some relief from the depression. I still feel the anger, but it's usually a result of spikes of anxiety that go on too long and turn into anger. That's what the occasional xanax is for.

When I start to get all shaky inside and my heart starts racing and/or i'm around my husband too much (he's a good guy at the wrong end of my ptsd), I take a low dose of xanax and it takes the edge off. it's a benzo of course.

I'm going to the med dr. tomorrow and I think I will need to go on some type of daily anti-anxiety med, if I want to save my marriage. Couples counseling is just almost impossible with me having these reactions to my husband and he is loving me less everyday because he is hurting so much since I can't stand to be around him. Sounds great, huh.

Maybe getting my anxiety level down a bit will hellp with the nightmares. Thank you for writing back. It really means a lot to me to exchange stories with you and others in this forum. Keeps me sane.

Hi Moki,

How did things go with your doctor today? Thanks for explaining about the different meds. It means a lot to me, too, to know other people know what I'm talking about.

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time with your marriage. I have had moments where my husband did or said something that triggered me so badly that I lashed out. I would come back to reality, eventually, and realize that whatever he said or did was way more about me and my past than about where he and I were now. Please know that I'm not saying that by way of any presumptions whatsoever about your situation, just that I know that this stuff can really put a strain on a marriage and am just trying to relate how it has affected our marriage. I guess that's all I know to say about this for now.

Anyway, I hope good things came of your doctor's appointment today. Thanks for responding and take care.

Hi Hodge,
No, I would never suggest anyone take ambien for nightmares. I guess ambien is just too fraught with side effects. My med dr. won't even think of giving me a prescription.

The lamictal has just been helpful in stabilizing my mood well enough that I'm not suicidal or super angry like I was last fall. I recently realized I am still depressed and am having pretty frequent bouts of anger, so the lamictal alone is not going to do the trick. I will have to go on some anti-depressant, probably lexapro, at least for the short term.

The xanax helps me calm down at night enough to relax enough to fall asleep.

Neither lamictal or xanax does anythihng for nightmares for me. I just endure them and am glad when I wake up that they're over, but am also sad when I wake up because I wake to a daytime nightmare of just getting through the day.

These are the times where, if circumstances were different, I'd find some way to self-medicate. But I won't because I have children to be a role model for and I know how dangerous self-medication can be. And I know it won't solve anything.

So, day after day, you keep looking and keep suffering, but keep looking for the answers to help you get out of the hellhole.

Sorry for the digression...I'm having a rough time lately, and can't seem to stop my sad ramblings...

As always, I'm hoping you find some relief from your nightmares...

Hi Moki,

Thanks for more info about various meds. I'm going to stick with the cymbalta for the time being. I'm still having nightmares (which is one reason why I'm still up so late, forestalling the inevitable). But, at least, I'm feeling more motivated, that's good.

I know what you mean about the daytime nightmares. This is such a difficult thing to deal with, isn't it? I wish I had an easy answer for both of us. And for anyone else reading these messages who are going through similar things.

But all I know to do is just take the nightmares as they come and try to understand what they're telling me about what I need to process. At the moment, they're pretty apocalyptic, so it's tough. I mean, whenever my nightmares get to the point of being along end-of-the-world themes, they're pretty hard to deal with. Still, I can find ways in which they relate to my own personal themes, so I do have something to work with. And, it seems to me that working through the nightmares emotionally is all I can do.

I really hope you can find some relief, also, Moki. I'm so sorry things are so rough for you right now; I hope you can find something positive tomorow, even if it's just appreciating some beautiful spring birds in your yard, or somesuch, hodge