As my criminal case comes up, I have found myself far less self-abusing. I have become aggressive when provoked, though.

So much I wish I could say, but my lawyer said to keep it hushed until after trial.

But at least I ain't hitting myself....for now.

I spoke too quickly.

don't hurt yourself, jack. there are plenty of people out there that have already hurt you. be good to yourself.
cathy

What I found is whenever I blame myself for what has happened, I hit myself. And as amazing as it is to me, when I quit blaming myself and I tell myself "it's not your fault!", it stops.

A friend from church talked with me about this, and while he's pushing really hard on accepting Jesus (which I have, but not to his satisfaction), he was correct on several points.

First is that I am a very angry and bitter man. Why?
Why? Well, it's so hard to love and accept people when they have to be so nosy. I am disabled. Because of my disability I don't HAVE to work, though I do. People are always so curious- "where do you get your money?"
Where do I get my WHAT?!?!?! When I tell people about what I have faced, they think I'm making it up. I have been fired, evicted, assaulted and in one case a man tried to murder me because they want to know where I get my money. And the truth is, I don't have much!

Even though I'm a "cripple", I have started several small businesses, helped friends stat their own businesses, and I volunteer a lot. And they want to know where I get my money from?
I spent 9 1/2 months in the hospital. It took me 12 years to rehabilitate from the accident enough so I could go to college. And most people feel I don't have or deserve any privacy? If they want some of my money, they gotta go through what I went through.

Amazes me how when I try to get a date, they women ask about that- money.
So often when I first meet a woman, she asks about that- money.
When I go to church, people ask about that- money.

If they want some of my money, they gotta go through what I went through.

This last Jan. when I tried to license my truck, I was told by the county clerk that I can't license it unless I show her proof of income. Even the state representative (state government/congressman) is baffled by this, because he has been helping me fight this for over two years now. Why ask? The county has no right knowing any of this. Makes me so angry.

I just want privacy.