I finally hit the breaking point after going to my doc, after my husband had been in to see her, he told me that it went great he told her that I am doing really great and he feels that I am making so much progress.

What a Bunch of crap, does he not see how everyday I am shaking and jumpy or that I have panic attacks and don't sleep, in fact I have told him that my SI are increasing and I feel even more desperate and overwhelmed. :cussing: I have been told that he is in denial, that he is dealing by avoiding. True but still not fair to me as now she thinks that I am doing great and treated me like everything I said she brushed off it seems that she has quit treating me cause my hubby says I am doing great.:hit-boss:

So I called my EAP not something that I had thought of before, duhh, so I initialy tried to do the councilling via email with a trained councillor now I have been getting worse, flashbacks are worse SI are more frequent, so as directed I phoned the EAP hot line, and spoke to a trained councillor, for an hour I felt better after that hour than I have ever felt leaving my docs. she also set me up with a councillor that is in the area and highly recomeded.

but fact is Im petrified to go I cant relieve this over and over again Im going to snap :drugs: God I hope that she is kind and doesnt look at me like I'm a nut job, I would. I have no idea what to expect or how to keep from completly lossing it. I have spent more time in the bathroom getting sick at the very thought of going yet I know it shouldn't be that bad , but what if?, anyways I guess that I am just going thrugh what Bec is she has written it way better than I could

Why do you assume what he says is a bunch of crap? Judging by what you have been able or have tried to take on his description is probably accurate. I did not see you say he claimed you were all better but making improvement. You sound a lot better even if not well than a couple months ago. Don't be mad because he is giving you kuddos for that and is proud of you.

It is up to you to tell her you are improving but you still feel a wreck and need help. Maybe she was happy to hear good things and wanted to concentrate on that? Not unheard of in therapy. But you need to be open to her and not knock him for finding pride in you working on it.

I guess when you put it that way Veiled it is my problem but I felt so betrayed because I felt like he didnt know how bad I was especially after the week I had told him that I was feeling very suicidal and that the anniversary coming my flashbacks had doubled and that I was falling apart. yes I guess I should be happy that he gave me kudos I just dont think that it was the right time to say that. As for my doc I have told her that I am feeling like I am taking a fall and going down hill right now--I guess I just needed to have someone kick me in the butt thanks except for tonight I am shaking so badly and scared that im a wreck right now, as I have an intake with my new therapist tomorrow, and I am scared about going. But thats my issue to deal with.