Tips for Carers

Kathy · #1 12-09-2007, 11:58 PM

I have compiled a large list of tips for carers, in no particular order, and taken from various sources. I felt they might be helpful to list here, as many come here uncertain what to do with their family members.

You cannot cure a mental disorder for a family member.
Despite your efforts, symptoms may get worse, or may improve.
If you feel much resentment, you are giving too much.
It is as hard for the individual to accept the disorder as it is for other family members.
You may learn something about yourself as you learn about a family member's mental disorder.
Separate the person from the disorder. Love the person, even if you hate the disorder.
Separate medication side effects from the disorder/person.
It is not OK for you to be neglected. You have needs & wants too.
The illness of a family member is nothing to be ashamed of.
Don't forget your sense of humour.
It may be necessary to renegotiate your emotional relationship.
It may be necessary to revise your expectations.
Success for each individual may be different.
Acknowledge the remarkable courage your family member may show dealing with a mental disorder.
Your family member is entitled to his own life journey, as you are.
Inability to talk about feelings may leave you stuck or frozen.
After denial, sadness, and anger comes acceptance. The addition of understanding yields compassion.
Mental illnesses, like other diseases, are a part of the varied fabric of life.
Shed neurotic suffering and embrace real suffering.
Symptoms may change over time while the underlying disorder remains.
The disorder may be periodic, with times of improvement and deterioration, independent of your hopes or actions.
Identical diagnoses of two individuals do not mean identical causes, courses, or symptoms.
You have a right to assure your personal safety.
Don't shoulder the whole responsibility for your mentally disordered relative.
Mental health professionals, family members, & the PTSD sufferer all have ups and downs when dealing with a mental disorder.
Forgive yourself and others for mistakes made.
Mental health professionals have varied degrees of competence.
If you can't care for yourself, you can't care for another.
The needs of the ill person do not necessarily always come first.
It is important to have boundaries and set clear limits.
Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowledge is power.
Recognizing that a person has limited capabilities should not mean that you expect nothing of them.
Don't be afraid to confront your family member, especially if you suspect they are planning to hurt themselves.
Your conflicted relationship may spill over into your relationships with others. You may unconsciously reenact the conflicted relationship.
It is natural to experience a cauldron of emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, etc. You, not the ill member, are responsible for your own feelings.
Eventually you may see the silver lining in the storm clouds: increased awareness, sensitivity, receptivity, compassion, maturity and become less judgmental, self-centered.
You are not alone. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others in a support group is helpful and enlightening for many.
The mental disorder of a family member can be an emotional trauma for you as well. You pay a price if you do not receive support and help.
It is difficult to accept, however PTSD alters the personality of your family member permanently. You may see glimpses of the person you once knew from time to time, but it is important one accepts this "new" person, and not expect them to ever return completely to how they were before the trauma.