Hi folks,

I'm not going to write a long intro at this stage. I would like to know if I'm on the right track in thinking that I possibly have PTSD as a result of a childhood that involved always being told that you weren't good enough, constant criticism, subject to intense and prolonged yelling and screaming between parents, being yelled at etc etc.

I went through childhood with a constant knot in my gut, an intense anxiety that when one or both parents came home that I was going to be severely berrated for one reason or another. No closeness in the family between siblings, quite the opposite in fact. Mother would drive wedges between the four children to gain allies and oppress the others. Lots of psychological and emotional manipulation.... you have probably heard it all before....

I'm now 45, in Law Enforcement after a lengthy stint in the Armed Forces (non combat) and have been unable to cope with chronic anxiety, depression, stress and fear of failure for the last 30 odd years. Numerous visits to my very helpful psychologist over the last few years.

I can provide a more detailed account of events (actually started to write a book about the intense internalize rage etc) if it will help identify what's happening. On Zoloft currently but not sure if that's the right medication given the length of time I've suffered with these symptoms.

I look forward to hearing from anyone with similar experiences...

Merlin

Has your psychologist diagnosed you at all? In some ways, I would think he would have a better idea than us. But of course we understand. Most of us that have grown up in f**ked up families have been emotionally beaten and stripped of our childhood. It is usually accompanied with beatings, molestations, and neglect. Have you had any of the three listed? I have a hard time believing that your mom and dad would yell so angrily at each other but never hit each other, or you, or your siblings?

I'm very happy that you've got a therapist/psychologist. You are already well on your way. And Welcome Merlin.

Welcome Merlin :)

I would recommend you visit the PTSD Assessment form.
I'm not sure whether you have PTSD,
but you can bring this filled out form to your Doctor for discussion.

Take care of yourself :)

Hi Merlin,

Welcome to the forum. I am not sure whether you would have PTSD or not to be honest, because what this depends on is you. What this means, is that it depends upon how traumatic you perceived these incidents, how you emotional processed these events, and whether or not something of a severe nature occured at some point within them.

I guess this is a difficult case to actually pinpoint whether PTSD itself is present, because PTSD has so many variables, in that a significant traumatic event must have been present to meet the diagnostic criteria, though also it stems highly on not whether you just meet the theoretical based criteria, but more about the intensity of these symptoms.

I would actually suggest you fill out the PTSD diagnosis, linked from my signature, and either post the results that are formulated here or private message them to myself for further review.

Because you in counselling, this is a very positive sign that you may have avoided PTSD itself because of your years of counselling, thus all the talking has avoided the disorder itself, but I definately believe something is there for you to feel this way, whether a general anxiety disorder of other even. I actually hope this for you, as these are atleast curable, compared to PTSD itself.

I would be very interested in you actually providing your writings or explicit detail of your memories, as that may lead an easier assessment to whether or not you have PTSD itself.

Either way, we can help you with anxiety, depression and so forth by themselves, as they are tightly integrated into PTSD itself.

I agree with Nam, many of us here have a bad family history. You will have to be more open. And we all know anxiety all to well as it thinks it needs to always be by our side. I do know we can give you some direction, even if we do not always follow our own advice.

Hi Merlin. Welcome to the forum. I'm pretty much on the same lines as everyone above. Maybe not ptsd, but I know very well the damage emotional abuse and neglect can do. At least you know there are issues to be dealt with and you are dealing with them. Good luck in your healing.

Hi Folks,

I've been away for a few days after I posted my first question and I thank all of you for replying and offering support. I guess like most of us it's all about interpretation of events and how we're affected, then and now.

I'll share with you the few pages I've written so far, once I've worked how to upload it without scambling it... they've been converted to the Mac so if it gets scrambled hopefully the page numbers will still be there to follow...

Nam - perhaps these few pages will put things into perspective, I know it sounds incredulous that people so angry don't strike out but maybe someone out there can offer us an explanation.

In the mean time I'll do the assessment form and see what comes up...

Cheers everyone

Merlin

Attached Files

The Story So Far.doc (61.0 KB, 9 views)

Well done Merlin,

keep going