I had my father over for dinner tonight. I think those of you who have read thus far about my upbringing know that my father was a key player in my emotional abuse. This was draining to have him over, but as the days go on and I get older I have to learn more about my past and about the mother I hardly knew in order to get better...

So he came for dinner....

It was pretty intense and in the middle of everything my girlfriend and I had a fight about things that were not even germane to the topic at hand...it was my fault however.

Anyways, I ask him allot about my childhood and about my mothers and I's relationship. He told me that my mother had never really been too interested in me but at age eight it got pretty bad and she lost what little interest she had in me all together. He said that her behavior went as such (typically, and this was just in front of him...)

I would be in the room...doing whatever a child does of my age (6,7,8 and so on...) and I would try to gain her attention, try to speak to her etc, and she would just yell at me and say..."ENOUGH WITH THE GENEVA SHOW!...I'M DONE...GET THE F**K OUT...LEAVE ME ALONE".....

Not very traumatizing I know...but ...this was her...having nothing to do with me. My father also told me that she would feed herself and not us girls...and that after age 8 she lost all interest in me what so ever really. She ignored my need both physically and emotionally.

I don't remember any of this...I just knew I didn't like her.

So...what does that mean for me?

Could that cause trauma?




Very confused and hurt,

Geneva

Geneva:

Please read this thread, as it outlines what is considered trauma to have a diagnosis of PTSD:

What is Traumatic Enough for PTSD?

bec

Geneva I hear ya (understand), I'm 46 years old and it wasn't until a few months ago that I realized that my mother has emotionally abused me my entire life. It's no wonder that I ran away to the military as soon as I could, not that it was any better in the military; thats where I was further traumatized. I think that moving to a safe place and having all this time to myself, to get to know who I am, my likes and dislikes has made me realize a lot of things. It hurts like hell and I've cried a lot but as time goes by I feel stronger than I was before. My realization or better yet, my acceptance of the fact that she is an abuser has on one hand hurt me deeply yet knowing that I was able to survive it all made me realize that I am much stronger than what I gave myself credit for. What I'm trying to say is although hurtful this has made my life make a lot of sense and now comes change...