If you truly are concerned about him being violent with your girls, intentionally or unintentionally, then yes I agree with you, supervised visits are best. You should not back down until you have a good word from his psychiatrist. Better safe now than sorry later on, that you did not protect your little ones.

Regarding trusting my husband, it was a slow painful process. It took me several years before I trusted him completely. Our situation was a little different however in that Jim was suffering from combat stress and was drinking heavily when he cheated on me. I left him and went back to Canada with the children (we were stationed in Cyprus at the time). He followed soon after and went into treatment for his alcoholism. Not to condone what Jim did in the slightest, however I believe his alcoholism and being ill played a large factor in his cheating, so after he agreed to receive help and truly committed himself to changing, I was willing to take him back. Really he worked very hard to get me and the children back, and he has remained sober since and is a changed man when not drinking. After we reconciled, we went to marital counseling together for 2 years which also helped tremendously. We both worked very hard at repairing the marriage, as we still loved each other very much. I always tell others, if their partner has cheated, to not take them back unless they really are willing to work as hard as Jim and I did.

It is not your fault in the slightest that he was kicked out of his girlfriend's home. He should not blame you for something which is his doing to begin with. He was willing to cheat, now he must face the consequences of his actions.

Well, he does drink a lot. I mean a lot. Before when he first came back, three months before the affair he said the only way to feel better and take the edge of was to get drunk.

He said the only person he wants to hurt(physically and I think he also meant emotionally) was me. Isn't that part of the PTSD? Hurt the ones who love you most?

I am very glad you were able to work things out. I just don't know if I could ever do that. I'm hurting just too much right now and extremely angry.

Again, thank you very much.

It is very typical for someone with unmanaged PTSD to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs and so on. It is not wise to do so, however it is common. Hurting the ones you love the most is true in any illness, PTSD included, as those are the people you trust and feel most comfortable with. In general, even without an illness, people tend to take their frustrations out on those closest to them.

I suppose I should have said also in Jim's case, he did not have a girlfriend or mistress, he had been cheating on me with several prostitutes. He did not have an emotional attachment to any of the women he was sleeping with, so I believe that helped me to accept the situation more easily. If he had a mistress or was living with another woman unbeknownst to me I am uncertain how I would have felt.

It is far too soon for you to even consider a future with him, please don't try to think about it right now. Jim and I were separated for several months before I even considered taking him back. Right now you just need to take good care of yourself and your girls, feel angry and grieve for the situation as need be.

Seriously, I have just now added you to the private group. You should now see a new forum entitled "Carers Only". Feel free to post in there as much as you wish.

Thanks, Kathy. I will go there in just a few minutes to take a look around.

Today was a little better. A wonderful lawyer friend in a different city has offered to loan me the huge retainer fee for one of the best divorce attorneys in town. So that is a relief.

I am trying to prepare myself to move on. To get a job or two if needed which is really scary since my whole life has been at home with our daughters for the past 7+yrs. Of course there have been part time jobs but nothing that took me away from them. So here I go down that lonely road. I am strong though. I have overcome many things without having PTSD myself. I'm a little bit OCD-have to conrol that a good bit. But for the most part I'm a fighter just like my mom to the very end.

Wonderful about the retainer fee! That should put your mind at ease somewhat.

Yes, going back to work can be quite frightening, especially if it is not by choice. Hopefully though you will be able to make the transition slowly rather than quickly, start out with something part time and so on. Perhaps even a job share; I am uncertain of your skills. How old are your girls?

hi seriously,
I understand your anger. Whilst my ptsd partner has never cheated, a few others have, and you are gith, they deserve everything they get from that. I am upset that he did this not only to you but to your children as well. I personally think that your idea about supervised visits is a wise one to make. If I were in the same opinion, I am positive I would do the same thing.
regarding your comment about his trying to blame you- all you have to remember is that you have done nothing but support him and try to keep your family together; he is the one who needs to assess his life and I think some serious apologising is on order on his part, whether you are willing to accept that or not.

My thoughts are with you and your children
Tammy