I am on briefly only tonight Maryjane. I will make more detailed comments tomorrow. Quickly however, I did want to comment on this statement:

How many different military personnel have you spoken with? Which things did you discuss with these people which contradicted what your boyfriend is doing? Be very careful with making rash judgements about his PTSD diagnosis. The problem Maryjane, is that everyone is going to be a bit different in their reactions and symptoms; no one person with PTSD is going to be a carbon copy of another. Additionally, it depends on where the person is in their healing process. I gather your boyfriend is just beginning. In actuality, feeling as though one must walk on eggshells, and having one's PTSD sufferer take things out on you, are both very common occurances for family members. I have experienced both myself many, many times. Not that I condone those actions, however it does happen, and is part of PTSD. That being said though, I am very sorry things are not going well between you. Do try to have a decent night and I will comment more in the morning.

PTSD sufferers can be very difficult to live with, and they can be abusive. However, that does condone the behaviour, and in no way must you put up with any abuse. You must establish personal boundaries. What those boundaries entail is entirely up to you, however you must have them. Otherwise you will constantly be miserable. To use my daughter as an example - she is very good now, having had treatment and worked upon herself for over a year. However, she used to be quite verbally abusive to me. She did have very severe anger problems and impulse control problems, however I did not tolerate this behaviour. Mostly I would simply say, "I don't appreciate you speaking to me this way" and simply walk away from her. She usually would then come round later to apologize and/or explain herself. Now she is to the point where if very upset she will go for a walk, or go to her own space in the house to be alone until she calms down. I also respect her boundaries in that I will not pressure or prod her to speak to me whilst she is upset. I used to want her to speak on my timeframe, but I now realize she has her own timeframe and I accept that.

So, do establish your own boundaries, but respect his as well. There must be mutual respect. It sounds as though he has much pent up anger, again another common aspect of PTSD. He could be directing his anger your way because he lives with you and you are the closest one to him. He perhaps feels comfortable expressing himself freely to you. Alternately, there could be specific things you have done or said that he especially resents. Do be honest with yourself, and ask yourself if you are contributing to the problem in some way. I had to do this myself, again to use my daughter as an example. As I mentioned I used to try to get her to talk before she was ready. I also nagged her about certain things which were really not very important. This had the effect of my causing her extra stress, and she would then lash out at me for it. I have learned to not do those things anymore and we get along a lot better as a result.

Maryjane, why do you feel the need to continually question whether he has PTSD, or question what is PTSD and what is not? Do you feel that if some action of his were not the result of PTSD, you would be more justified in your feelings? The truth is Maryjane, you are entitled to your feelings of hurt and pain, whether he has PTSD or not. Perhaps instead of worrying about the diagnosis, concentrate on what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not willing to tolerate. Make decisions for yourself. As I said earlier, establish boundaries. PTSD is not an excuse for bad behaviours, however it is an explanation, and as a result he will relate to you in a different way than if he not have PTSD. Some things will be more difficult for him to control, such as his anger. Must you tolerate that? Absolutely not. However if you do wish to remain with him, it in is your best interest to understand and accept his limitations, work upon yourself as you have been doing, establish your own boundaries and respect his, and so on. This is not an overnight process, it takes much time.

Have you read the PTSD Cup Explanation? It explains stress in someone with PTSD, and how their their stress cup may overflow very easily. Anger is commonly a reaction to stress. Here is the link if you have not read it yet:

The PTSD Cup Explanation

I am glad your boyfriend may be going with you to a session with your counselor, that is very good news, and it hopefully will help you both, if he does go through with it, that is. Do take care Maryjane.