My husband of 28 years thinks Im going through this because Ive quit smoking again. What he doesn't understand is the only reason Ive quit this time is because I was hospitalized yet again last month because of the ptsd. I quess my ptsd is in remission most of the time. I have learned what triggers it- quiting smoking, death when its unexpective (I can deal with the elderly), abandonment, getting off the drugs( its been 12 years), Sometimes going back to Maine. So it got triggered last month from pictures of my grandfather and I went into a nonsmoking hospital for 6 days, I decided to stay off them( ive smoked for 38 years since I was 10.) and had a cancer scare earlier this year(spot on the lung). Ive looked at those pictures so many times. I never thought I could trigger this from pictures. I quess its just time to start dealing with my issues. I went from being a alcholic to being a workaloholic. some times I'll work 80 or 90 hours a week. Once I get through the next 6 weeks I will be going out on FMLA I just really need to keep it together for 6 more weeks. Theres people at work that I care about, one of my assisants needs this job and last month when I went out she almost quit cause of the stress. It also put alot of stress on my district manager, its been a rough year for him, I run the highest volume store in the district and it takes a seasoned veteran to run this store. I drive a hour each way cause there really isn't anyone else in the area to run it. I also can't really afford to go out right now. I only have 3 weeks I could take off with pay right now. If I wait till first of the year I will beable to miss 8 weeks and be paid for them. I also plan on giving up the store Im running when I go out. I'll be giving up at least $17000 moving back to my area but just cant deal with the past and commute this far. By the way I'm very thankful I found this forum. Not sure it its OK to talk about God but everything that's happened these last 6 months has been because of my Higher Power, including all of you. Thanks for listening.

Sharing your own personal beliefs is perfectly fine Holly, as long as you respect the beliefs of others at the same time. There is a wide range of people here, thus a wide range of beliefs as well.

That's PTSD at its finest...makes me feel like this -->

I know that we all need money to survive, but do you think that you will be able to continue working through the end of the year? I channeled quite a bit of my energy into nursing school and working for many years. The last year I worked (2003) I had several ER visits and one hospitalization for medical issues. My body finally gave out in December 2003...and I am still unable to work due to physical and psychological issues.

Try and take care of yourself as much as possible while you are working so much. The work is a great avoidance technique...but like everything else it only works for so long. I can relate to feeling like you need to stay for other people, but first you need to watch out for and take care of you. With PTSD, we need to be very careful that we are not care taking at the expense of ourselves.

Im still trying to learn about ptsd. I did take today and yesterday off. Worried about the stress of others. Not sure if Im going to go back to therapy till after the holidays. Don't know if thats the right thing to do. worried about my boss and one of my assisants. Bosses mother died saturday. Here I am crying about stuff that happened 40 years ago and hes dealing with that.

Hi hollyberry.....I too felt this way..recently. An ex-boyfriend of mine...his brother died and the death and emotions were just too much for me and I couldn't help but feel guilty because I was doing exactly what you referred to......My bs 20 years ago.
I keep telling myself...I didn't choose to have PTSD...who would? Please give yourself a break....I know it is hard. i am my own worst enemy at times but I definately didn't ask for this and neither did you. take Care.

I'm still learning just like others
thought i my triggers worked out but they pop up in sum ways
we're on good line then not

thanks guys, It feels so good to get up in the morning and have the suport of this community. Im going to try to get to work today. I'll let ya's know if I make it.

Good luck today! I hope you make it to work...but if you don't remember that you are doing what is best for you.