Nonie, the book nyc recommended is listed in this thread:

Recommended Books To Buy

ETA: I suppose it would help if I mentioned the name of the book wouldn't it?? It is: Coping with PTSD: A Guide for Families. Nyc, my apologies as well as apparently that was not an external link! I read incorrectly. Next time I will simply fix the link for you.

I apologize if I sounded harsh earlier Nonie, however; I am under a lot of stress at present, as my daughter with PTSD is very ill, and we may be taking her to hospital shortly. PTSD is a very serious business, everything that has been said to you is absolute fact, strong words notwithstanding. I simply wish for you to realize the seriousness of this condition. Take good care of yourself.

Nonie, I have been reading your thread with great interest and I do understand all you are going through so well! I have been in a relationship with an Iraq vet for 7 years, we are now seperated for 7 months because I could not take it any more. He has recently been diagnosed with PTSD, although he has been a sufferer ever since he returned from Iraq in 1991! I have been reading, reading, reading as much as I can, we are in contact and I try to support him I he needs me and I give him space as much as I can. I was also very hurt and angry, helpless and confused because it is just so hard to deal with all these issues. But I also learned that HE is sick, that I can support him but at the same time I have to look after myself in order to be able to go on with MY life. He tells me that he loves me but at the same time needs SPACE, it is so hard to understand this, but I am trying. I am not sure if we will ever be together again, but I know that I will always be there for him if he needs me. If you truly care about your bf, which I believe you do, you will find a way to deal with this! Please take good care of YOURSELF, and do not feel bad about it...All the best!

Kathy, it's been a while since i posted on the forum, and i did see your first post in your thread about your daughter. I truly hope things are going okay, and that things will get better for your family. You've been through so much, and you're a wonderful example of a person who is strong and patient enough to understand everything that comes along with ptsd. I admire that. Thank you for sharing all that you do, because it really is appreciated.

I am absolutely not offended by what you've said in this thread. It's actually a good wake up call. Just a quick update on my situation. After that day he broke contact on the 12th day..i waited a while and contaced him on the 21st day of no contact from my end. I kept the conversation very light and talked about general things and kept the conversation very happy and of good nature. The conversation went well.

The day after that i messaged him again...and it was another good conversation, and he spoke a lot more to me this time around. He shared things about his family and what's going on with each person, etc...he also told me his plans when he returns, and what his next step would be when he comes home, etc.

The 3rd day was last night, and i messaged him again. He wasn't bothered by it at all, and was having a great conversation with me. He was talking about his work, his concerns, etc. He also mentioned he got the impression that i didn't want to talk to him on the day he broke no contact with me (12th day), which is why he never messaged me again. I didn't lie to him, i told him that i was a little taken back by it, which is why i waited about a week until i broke the no contact from my side. He told me he still wants to see me when he comes home, and still wants to call me when he gets home too, but he was worried that i wouldn't want that...and he was glad that i brought it up, because it settled him, and made him feel a lot better.

I also asked him how he is doing personally, reffering to the "things" he talked to me about, in the past (ptsd related symptoms he was displaying), and he told me he wanted to see someone on base, but was embarrassed to go, and felt very weak about it. I recommended that he search for some forums/websites where vets or others who have ptsd, post. I told him it would be very beneficial to him, and it can help ease some of the tension he is feeling by talking to anonymous people who have the same issues. He thanked me and said he will search for some.

I told him i really do care about him, and i wanted him to seek some type of help, especially if right now he is too scared to go to a doctor about it. And him telling me that he will search for forums and start posting, made me feel a lot better. I had told him that there are many vets who post on ptsd forums with the same exact things he is going through, and he would find comfort in posting there, because all of these vets help one another, and they feel just like him....just like all the other people who suffer from ptsd. He appreciated it, and that made me feel good!

I'm taking it a day at a time, and i'm very relaxed about the situation. Thankyou for helping me through this, and all the others that posted in the thread.

Umus- Thank you for posting. Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. If you read the post i wrote to Kathy above this one, that is where we currently stand, and i feel less tension now, and i'm relaxed about everything.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but you're being very strong, and that's great! I'm taking things one day at a time with him, and giving him the space that he needs. I don't press him for anything, and if i ask him something and he doens't want to talk about it, i change the topic immediately.

I'm happy with the way things stand right now, and i'm not living on hope that we might get back together again. I just want our friendship to be good, and him to know what i'm here for him whenever he needs me. We both understand that we miss each other greatly, and think about one another on a constant basis. He did tell me he just needs time and space, and i'm giving it to him whenever he needs it.

Hope things are going well for you!

Thank you for the update Nonie, I am delighted to hear things are improving for you. I am most appreciative you are not offended by what I wrote; I was a bit concerned. I can be rather blunt at times, especially when under stress at home.

Support from other veterans or those currently serving would be very beneficial for your boyfriend, well done for recommending that to him. Unfortunately, in spite of efforts to improve, the attitude that PTSD is a weakness is still very pervasive in military culture. Once he returns from operations and depending on where he lives, many bases have PTSD support groups. He may wish to look into that as well. He is most definitely not alone.

Take good care Nonie, and keep us updated please.

Hi Nonie, I am very happy to hear that things are going well for you at the moment. It is great that you are taking one day at a time and I find it very comforting that he is responding to your support. In my situation this happens also, but there are also times when he shuts me out completely, one day he opens up, the next he is back to needing more space. I have learned that this is one of the terrible things about this disease and that we have to learn to cope with it. I am also taking one day at a time at the moment and this is the only way to deal with it. I wish you a lot of strength and positive thoughts! Take care...

Yeah. I've been getting that. Every week it's different. Just when I think it's totally over and he has shut down on me, and I want to give up- there is a new little ray of hope.

But, at least I know now that when he does shut down- he does come back when he's ready.

For the first time since he started the therapy he has said that he felt hope. He said he hadn't felt that for what seems a life time.He just started kineasology (can't spell) in addition to his therapy.It seems to work for him.

One day at a time sounds like what we have to do. Good luck to you all! Try not to give up.I am trying.Keep posting- cause it keeps me hopeful too.