I love my wife.... yes I do. But it is hard sometimes. Not to love her but to stay strong and to stay calm and not yell at her "Get over it already." I sometimes feel like she is a broken record and for days at a time she tells me the same stories from her past over and over. I so badly want her better and be like she was when we first met. Things were so so wonderful. I will always love her, because of the girl I know is inside of this war struck soul. She has a beautiful smile when she smiles, a great laugh when she lets it flow, a "dorkish" sense of humor when it can be unleashed. And most of all a real sweetness. Not some fake love sweetness but a love and caring for people and animals more of this world needs. I sometimes wonder why God has let her suffer so much and I get angry at Him for it but it is not his fault. I want to be able to make love to my wife without her feeling bad. Her abuse was so bad she can not call it making love. She see's no love in the act. Sometimes she can't even see love in anything. How can people destroy another persons soul? Do they not know that that's what they are doing? It's hard living with someone who has PTSD. But you know I love my wife and will always be there. Yeah at times I may not want to be there or I may want to call it quits. But I have to stand back and say whoa hold up, breath and think about it buddy. After all as my daughter says..."You married her, you have to love her and care for her." Damn Right!!!!!!!

Your wife is just as lucky as you are

My hubs would have to come here to clarify (do not hold your breath) but I heard so often it is what he knows is in me, that woman he fell in love with is still there as why he holds on. It is not the same but a stronger version. The stories on end repeated I am sure my hubby can relate. Just seems like some things we are repeating to get it really did happen and process. And yep, he held back and said whoa, thankfully after the fact he still proposed... I think he was a bit of a fool as he had asked for a ticket into this hell. I know he would never trade it for what we have now in the short bossy version though!

Welcome to the forum Adam, I am sorry I did not welcome you earlier, however I have been preoccupied with family matters. It is lovely to have you however, always refreshing to see someone who loves their sufferer and tries their best. It is never easy, I can well relate to your feelings of frustration. It does sound though that you care and do as much as you are able. Well done to you, I look forward to chatting with you more.

Welcome to the forum Adam. Hope you enjoy your time here.

Jim.

you seem like a very sweet guy. welcome. hope we get to know you better.

v.

Wecome Adam, I can understand what you are going through, your frustrations and hurts, and wanting her back the way she was ! It is not always easy ! She is very lucky to have you by her side !

Hi Adam, this resonates so much in me what you are writing. There is a certain grief which comes and goes about what has been lost. Remembering the early days when we got to know each other. I have 3 daughters, and sometimes I think it's our kids which have prevented us from separating during hard times. Hang in there man!! Harry

Welcome to the forum Harry, lovely to have you and I look forward to chatting with you more.