I really have a hard time explaining myself at times, so I hope that what I am about to say is coherent. I do not know where to start so here goes. I read the threads in this forum and I can truly relate. My childhood was such that I was always minimised and beaten down physically and mentally by those who were supposed to care that it still angers me a great deal. I have a sister living in India who has always been so nice to her friends but so malevolent with me and then there is my brother who always beat the crap out of me and called me such horrific names that I still cringe when I think of it. My parents were no joy either, who, I think forgot they had children and got into a drunken rage almost every night. I cannot go into the details of those nightmares at the moment. I still feel I am broadcasting to the world and it feels uncomfortable. . When I think of it, 15 yrs. in therapy and I am still angry but my therapist says I may never completely recover. The flashbacks are sometimes so bad that I numb out or else get into this powerful rage that ends in exhaustion.I cannot go any further just to say that it is quite the journey!!!

Well, looks like you found a starting point and when you feel up to it you can build on this. Great job starting!

He're's a good place to strart