Hi everyone, glad to see you, I am back here for a short while mostly to discuss some issues related to my husband. As those who remember me know, my hubby Jose has PTSD, too. I am pretty concerned with him lately, mostly about his attacment to me.
That looks like I had became the primary source of comfort and calmness for him (surprise, surprise!), which is a rather good thing. However, it is becoming too much and does put limitations on my freedom. For example, while I was on my own 2-weeks vacation in Mexico with my friends, Jose had been calling me every day and asking if I can come back earlier than planned. He even tried to talk to my mom about her convincing me to change the flight. According to mother, he was restless and anxioues while I was away. Knowing that he is not a very expressive man, obvious signs and an attempt to get me back mean distress.
Also, he says that he can not sleep well without me, and is trying to get me back from work early, which is impossible with my irregular hours.
Anotehr thing is that he is overreacting seeing me tired, sick, or, especially, injured. He is firstly reacting wih anger. For instance, when I got a minor first-degree burn while working with autoclave, he angrily said that it was a result of me being uncareful and my bossed not creating a safe workplace. He even refused to help me with bandage change at first. Later he apologised and said that he just hates to see me injured.
Another example: not too long ago, I got in a car accident, when some lady rear-ended me on a slippery road. No one was injured (thanks whoever), but my car was totally smahsed from the rear and reqired a long repare. Jose's reaction was an extreme anger toward the lady who had rear-ended me. He said that he just wants to kill her with his bare hands :( He had calmed down later, and said that he was greatly disturbed from the fact that I was in a dangerous situation.
I know that he had observed how his old girlfriend was killed with the grenade in the battle, and suggest that he may have a fear to lose me, which create a base for his anger in such situations (according to my theory , anger is coming from fear).
It just do not like a pressure of any kind, and do not want to be a sort of "baby blanket" for him. Finally, I was always attracted to Machos, not to babies. I sometimes even feel as losing my respect roward him, since what he does is not 100% "manly".
What do you thing - is it normal for a male to see a mother figure in his wife? Can I be right that his war traumas and a fear of losing me are related? And is there any way to make his attachment not to be a burden for me?

Not the same really Linda - however. My daughter is very attached to myself. Gets very anxious whenever I'm away. Crying and homesick, quite frantic. Oftimes I must sit with her holding her hand until she falls asleep at night. Very clingy with me. Thing is though, I quite enjoy it. Like the feeling of being needed. So. Probably not a good person to advise you. Do understand the attachment though, as I'm living it.

Tough guys have a soft side too. Shouldn't make you feel less attracted. Men are also people you know, we have feelings. ;-) Personally, don't consider my wife my mother. However. Do rely on her in many respects, truly would be lost without her.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Jim.

Thanks Jim.
I do understand the attachment, and do accept it, too. However I think everything should be balanced. It is simply unhealthy to be attached so much... Being needed is great, but being needed always is not, at least for me. It just puts too much responsibilities, and it is disturbing. See, I love personal freedom even in the best relationship.
Well, I do see something similar, however. Jose also holds my hand until he falls asleep, and even when he sleeps.
Does Evie gets angry when somethting happens to you, or you are simply unconfortable or something like that? Jose does a great deal, and although I see a root of this anger, it is annoying.
Yes, I know men are normal human beings, just like us the women , but there are certain gender stereotypes I had absorbed from my culture. See, It is hard, IMHO, to be attracted to and to feel sorry of the very same man...

Hi Linda, what comes to my mind when I read about your husband is 'control'. Trying to control the environment in order to make it as save and predictable as possible. Going through trauma is extremely unpredictable and out of control. So the present has to be as predictable as possible.
I know a bit about this, cause my wife has complex PTSD. Within a certain frame/latitude, I have freedom, but once she perceives that I am overstepping that frame... she reacts with fear and control, not cognitive though, but emotions based.
Well, so far. Harry