Hi Pandora,
I do not have nuch to say except for I am sorry to hear how your mother treats you. I have a sort of dysfunctional relationship with my own mom.
That sounds to me like your mother is trying to manipulate you and is an expert if finding your weak points. I unfortitatelly can not suggest anything to deal with that. It if of course difficult. But it looks like you are getting over it well.
Take care, and good luck
Linda

Thank you Linda! She has actually called sreeching leaving not nice messages on my phone mail....now I even hate to check my messages. She is just not a nice woman.

When I was going thru my deepest points these last few weeks...oh, how I wanted my mom...but I knew she could not give me what I needed....and I tryed so hard to do this with out hurting her.....but it was not possible for me.....last week one of those days when that anger came up...I called my mother.....I had been taught anger was one of those emotions I was not allowed to have.....I wish now I had listened to my t....my poor mother is close to 80...she did not need to be hurt with my words of anger in order for me to heal.....yes I needed to be pissed at her...yes I needed to get mad and feel that hurt towards her...yes I needed to hate her for awhile but she is my mother I will always love her

I needed to get out of that denial.....(what does denial mean)Don't Even kNow I Am Lieing...I thought for so many years I had gotten mad at my mother...I thought I had let this anger out.....boy was I wrong...For my mom she hasn't been meaning to hurt me with her words these last 15 or so years....She's just is reacting to her guilt, her regret...who among us really like to be told of our mistakes...I know I am not looking forward to the day when my 23 year old son gets out of his denial and attacks us because we did not protect him when he was 6 years old and we were so stupid to let him go play with that older boy.... you have all taught me that I made mistakes...I am not a failure....then niether is my mother a failure....if my mistakes are not failures....then my mothers mistakes can not be failures

my mother wishes she could go back in time and fix what she has done....just as I wish I could fix my mistakes.....Our mistakes may be major in our childrens lives but it is never to late...for us to repair our relationships that are supose to be unconditional.....the love a parent has with its child is unconditional...why then are we always putting conditions on it.....we are not perfect, nor are our children, or our parents.....all mistakes you have said to me are forgiveable....If I have to forgive myself....then I must forgive my parents mistakes they made in my life.....there is only one being that is perfect....and his love is unconditional ....but we are always putting conditions on our childrens love and parents love....why....

Thanx HB,,,maybe write a letter but don't actually send it. I am working on that with my therapist. Some woman were not meant to be mothers and unfortunately a lot of people on the forum have this too. I find it awful, I will NEVER treat my son like she treats me....NEVER!