Even in my quiet moments, I always had the words. I am glad they offer you comfort. At times, for me, having the words, the understanding, was a curse. Those times where, as you did, I just curled up within myself, knowing what was causing it, yet it was like watching a movie. Watching someone else crying or just sitting there blankly. Watching this stranger sit day after day on a worn couch, not leaving the apartment for days. Eventually it took it's toll on my relationships. I couldn't bear the grief of what I had become, and it hurt to have someone else witness it. Demoralizing in a way. So I let go of the one person I had loved the most in the world. And I keep going on, trying to stay busy as possible to keep those places in my mind shoved back. I try not to give them room to grow. It's a struggle.

I honestly thank this website. The people present have just given me the first sense of normalcy I have felt in a long while. I hear about people struggling with PTSD, read about them occasionally. But let me put it this way, a friend of mine, who is a police officer, tells me about the people he deals with. He talked about dealing with life in general, got quite arrogant when he discussed all that he had been through. I explained to him that in the life of those people he never sees the end of the story, never has to deal with the aftermath. That he is, for the people he deals with, only part of "the night the cops came". Seems off topic I know, but what it reminds me of is the articles/stories I read about PTSD. They are statistical/factual, the human element in a good many of the articles is bled out. So the actual moral of my "story" is this; this forum is the only place the true human element exists. When people suffer trauma, it is dehumanizing, demoralizing. You stop seeing yourself as real. It helps to see someone else feels it too. I like to call it the "I'm not crazy" factor. It helps tremendously.

Bingo... this was the little tidbit I figured during my PTSD course, hence the forum was built to continue what I thought, the lets keep sane remedy.

Lizagirrl:

Hi, I'm Kay. I was moved by what you said. Simply because I in a sense move through my days feeling "locked in my world." I have "my world", and then there's "the world." I isolate quite a bit. But even when I'm around others, I'm in my own world. And getting too far, too close to the outside makes me panic. Being on this forum has helped me a lot in that I can say things I can't to others in my life. I hope you find the same comfort I do in talking to us.

Kay Dee

been thinking on your question, shock, it depends on what type, it can seem a withdrawl the world moving around in a strange almost sickly way, sometimes pivoting, possibly interjected with sudden what seem like fast time clips from the world around, numbing softness, or can go the other way, not responding sitting there, just not noticing the world around, the world around isnt there any more just shut down. takes different people slightly differently, but theres definitely the common factor of being somewhere else, sometimes something physical as a give away such as behavior , repeating something over and over or, just not responding. does it seem fresh? yes at times a second away sometimes thinking about can bring it back, does dealing with it in a therapy setting in early onset stages help, possibly in dealing with coming to grips with the initial thoughts to stop them going 'deep' try and stop them hiding, dam brains fragged thinking about it, but yes. there are differen stages and intensities varying over time experience and how you deal with the things causing the problems, sometimes compounded by further avoidance and non recognition of the problem, what would advice on the scene be, how to deal with things what not to do, avoid drinking, look for signs of avoidance hyper vigilance withdrawl etc and come up with a frame work to help the individual also the problem of dealing with recognition of a problem by the individual so when dealing with on the scene also try to think about relatives or partners of someone effected and how they can help and recognise signs of problems. did any of that make sense in what you asked?

I'm feeling really anxious after reading some of those posts, and honestly I don't even know if my shock has worn off. But I can tell you when it developed.


It was the moment I realized that I might die from my injury... the moment I looked at my friends for reassurance and they just screamed, I remember holding my face tightly trying to keep it together... and then.... I felt nothing... I stopped screaming and just sat there... I could hear my friends begging me to answer them... but it was like I suddently didn't care about anything. My eyes closed and I refused to open them, I wouldn't face reality

On the way to hospital... after not saying anything yet... I remember asking for a smoke, smoking that cigerette was my only way of dealing with that situation, I didn't hear anyone, I never opened my eyes... I concentrated on the strong smoke filling my lungs, and that was it... I think someone actually had to hold the smoke up to my mouth for me, I don't remember... it just felt like there was no way I could open my eyes and return to reality

Seeing as my local hospital was unable to reconstruct what had been done, I was sent to another city 5 hours away. While waiting for surgery I joked with family and Doctors... basically in denial that the whole thing had happend. The nurses just kept me pumped full of morphine to ease the pain.

After surgery... I remember the Doctor coming in, he sat down and and explained the extent of my injuries. I couldn't list them all to you because after he listed the first one I broke down. I couldn't stop sobbing, and I didn't care who saw, I cried the entire 5 hour drive back home. It was horrible.

I don't know much about shock, for all I know I'm still in shock. But I know that this would basically of been the worst of my shock experiences.