I've come to realize that some of my thought processes were royally screwed up. (I was wrong.)

I'm going to refer to Anthony's reply to one of my posts in "My Personal Meeting with Doobie":

"Unfortunately nothing I can say to you can help you make the decision to want to heal; only you can make this decision yourself because you want to heal. To be open is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable means you have to really trust someone first. At some point you have to rely on the person you use to be trustworthy of your emotion and not hurt you, but guide you through the process."

I think I finally got it - or at least I'm getting it - and it seems to be working.

A few days ago I received an e-mail from a former neighbor I'd lost contact with over 30 years ago. I'd been googled. I was shocked. We were both teenagers but he had been very supportive, a good friend. His mother provided me with a kind of safe haven. I was flooded with emotions and painful memories of the past. I felt frightened, embarrassed and ashamed.

In the past I have always avoided people I knew during my teenage years because it served as a reminder of the pain and trauma. My first inclination was to respond by telling him that he had found the wrong person and pretend that I wasn't bothered or upset. That is exactly what I would have done in the past.

For some reason I wanted to face this situation honestly. I wanted to contact him and find out how his life had progressed, so I responded. I also scheduled an earlier appointment with my therapist because I wanted to talk about the emotional upheaval I was experiencing. I think I was much less upset for a shorter period of time than I would have been if I'd stuck to my old ways. I'm also glad I didn't pass on an opportunity to reunite with an old friend.

I think I've made some real progress.

Good for you Ruddy!