Hiya Shoshin

Welcome. I'm sorry to hear what you have been through but I'm sure your finding out for yourself what a help this site is.

I'm a teacher too and it was such a relief to hear that you didnt lose your job... one of my greatest fears. So thank you for your posts.

Anyway, therse lots of help and information here so I'm sure you will feel less alone here.

Take care

Dear mightsurvive,

No, I have not lost my job...so far. I am also terrified that word will get out and I will lose the trust of the community I have worked so hard in for so many years.

I went way out of my way to hide what I was going through, which I am good at after a whole lifetime of depression. I told my boss that I had a medical situation and needed a little time off, and he did not press me on it. While everyone thought it was all about complications of the flu, I was in a psych unit for a few days. Believe it or not, one of the physicians who saw me in the psych unit was the parent of one of my students. I guess my whole reputation and career now hinge on doctor-client confidentiality.

I am back at work on and off now as I battle with pneumonia, which I gave myself as a form of self-punishment via neglect, smoking, drinking, sleeping outside...

This online community has given me encouragement, especially seeing that there are folks who are dealing with some pretty difficult stuff and yet they are trying hard, reaching out, asking for support. It is so tempting to think that I am alone in the universe, but that is starting to soften...

The bipolar II has forced the issue, putting me in the hospital and finally getting me to talk to someone about my situation, revealing the PTSD and its years of effects on my thinking and behavior. I really had no idea how much my self-loathing, mistrust and hypervigilance were costing me...

Part of me is scared s***less and another part of me is excited about the prospect of eventually actually being a relatively happy person. Could it really happen? How will life be different? I would like to know...even if it does not last...

Have you lost your job because of your situation? How have you been dealing, and what brought you to where you are now?