My Son's Death is Tearing Me Apart - Page 10

dljwhitewolf · #91 01-02-2008, 07:58 AM

batgirl,
I see and hear you, losing someone runs the gamets of emotions, all very, very normal.
A woman once said, the longer my husbands death is, the better he gets.
We tend to try to remember all the goodness that person has caused in his life, after time, and the sadder ones lessen, abit.
Our hearts are not designed to accept losses, especially ones that are grand. Let yourself feel all that you do, maybe a journal would be a good idea, writing how you are feeling when bothered, sad, angry, and let those feelings out on paper and not bottled up inside.
You can even write letters to him, telling him why these feelings are present.
He is amongst the best of the best, we are left to pick up the peices of our broken hearts.
Sorry for your loss,
Donna-Lynne

Kathy · #92 04-02-2008, 01:03 AM

Thank you for your thoughts Donna-Lynne and Morgan. Always appreciated.

I have been away for a few days, as Evie mentioned we completed a grieving exercise which was quite intense, and I thought it best to have a break from the forum whilst I sorted everything out in my mind. It was very painful, however I did make a major breakthrough, in that it "clicked" to me finally that Brian's death was not my fault, nor anyone's fault. Intellectually I had known this already, however this is the first time I truly believed it. It was a very liberating feeling.

Nicolette · #93 04-02-2008, 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

It was very painful, however I did make a major breakthrough, in that it "clicked" to me finally that Brian's death was not my fault, nor anyone's fault. Intellectually I had known this already, however this is the first time I truly believed it. It was a very liberating feeling.

Congratulations Kathy. We are all sorry for Brian's death and your pain but it is really good news that you have came to this realisation on your own and you believe it.

Marlene · #94 04-02-2008, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

it "clicked" to me finally that Brian's death was not my fault, nor anyone's fault. Intellectually I had known this already, however this is the first time I truly believed it. It was a very liberating feeling.

It is quite liberating. Intellectually we know things, but it seems to take a while for our emotions to catch up to our intellect. I'm glad that you've gotten around this corner. It's a really big step.

Hugs
Lisa

anthony · #95 04-02-2008, 12:49 PM

You already know my thoughts Kathy.... well done. The rides not over yet, however; a major aspect you have dealt with. How you approach things now is in your control.

Kathy · #96 05-02-2008, 12:03 AM

Thank you all. I am having to pinch myself to make certain it is really true, that I am no longer blaming myself for his death, however it is! I do have more to accomplish however being able to realize this major truth gives me much hope for my recovery. I realize now I was not very hopeful that I would ever recover.

pandora · #97 06-02-2008, 12:52 AM

Kathy...I am glad you are really beginning to health in such a healthy manner....at least that is my opinion.
Take Care
Pand

Sapper · #98 11-02-2008, 07:41 AM

Glad your feeling a bit better Mum. Maybe I should take a leaf from your book.. I'm still in the pissed off stage when it comes to Brian. If he wasn't dead already I think I'd kill him myself. I'm sick of watching what he's done to our family.

Kathy · #99 12-02-2008, 03:25 AM

Well to be honest Travis, I believe I should take a leaf from your book as well. You may still be angry with Brian, however at least you speak about your anger openly and everything else that you are feeling for that matter. That was my mistake initially, to deny my "negative" feelings towards Brian and claim to only feel good for him.

Thank you pandora, I am trying to be healthy about it now, though it is not easy!

Kathy · #**100** 14-02-2008, 10:35 AM

I had my first therapy session yesterday morning. I am receiving a combination of CBT and invivo exposure therapy to deal with Brian's death. The therapist was brief with the pleasantries and got down to business straight away. However, that was one of the reasons I hired him in the first place; he is one of my former colleagues and brevity and clarity was what I wanted in treatment. I must say though, whilst the first session went very well, I believe this is going to be far more difficult than I realized. Even the initial session was rather upsetting and I needed a day to recouperate.