I had an appt with my regular doc today and when he asked me how things were going I unexpextably fell apart. The stress and the life style change is taking a toll on me.

I forget that I moved. I forget my space was cut in half. My have lost my privacy, it is basically gone. I have the added stress of caring for Mom. I am breaking. I am having headaches almost daily and I wake up in the morning more tired than I was when I went to bed.

My nerve endings are fried and I find myself loosing my patience a little more each day. I love my mother and our moving in together was my idea. She just can not live alone any more. She does not take her pills correctly and she just does not eat right when left alone.

My sister is absolutely no help at all, besides she lives way up north and has a life and family and job. So this is left up to me. While I am complaining I still have known for years that this was the way it was going to be. I love mom and I would not have our life any other way.

I guess I am just looking for any suggestions to help me handle this. I need to ease up on myself. Give my brain a rest? Give my guilt a rest! I am falling apart at a rapid pace. The stress is taking over. My smile is gone and I am not a very happy person

I know it is stress and loosing my life, so to speak. I just simply do not do stress! Taking a very deep breath and going back downstairs to spend time with Mom

awwww - crap! i just made you a post but 'puter booted me and lost it. =\ Nothing earth shattering...just letting you know I cared for my terminally ill grandmother and know some of what you are going through. You will never regret caring for your mother, but you need to find a way to care for you so you are not under so much stress and are able to see this through without winding up in the hospital for one of many reasons. Can you get respite care of some sort? Find someway to regain some privacy? I am trying and when I am thinking better hopefully soon I will try to come up with some more concrete and creative suggestions...just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and praying for you both...

Hi

You have no guilt either in what happened nor the fact that you suffer from it. You have no responsibility for that which you did not chose, nor for consequences of choices you did not foresee. Does that help much? Probably not, but you need to accept that as a basic starting point before you go further. And you need to accept that every single moment,because it will only be a logical decision at first - a sort of mental exercise - that wont do much to change the way you feel or the perceptions you have of yourself.

But eventually, it will become a part of your core - just like the way you think and feel now - and one that counters the negative influence of your previous learning.

Because essentially that is what you are experiencing - the effects of a programming that you did not know was happening, an adaption and reaction you did not chose not could control. You can not eradicate it - but you can program yourself in ways that counter the negative effects.

Liza

Herc,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I know firsthand that beign a caregiver can by totally exhausting. Sometimes it just plain sucks! It's also a guilt trap: guilt over wanting to have a life of your own or thinking that you're not doing enough.

I don't know if this will help but I'm wondering if there's some little things you can do to give yourself a break or reclaim some of your privacy. When I was caring for my husband I used to escape and go for walks alone inspite of his protests. A few hours alone made a big difference. Can you find a way to set aside some time for yourself doing something that gives you peace without feeling guilty? Are there any local agencies that can help out so that you don't have to shoulder the burden alone?

I hope you can find a way to nurture yourself while caring for your mother. My thoughts are with you.

Ruddy

I don't have any real good suggestions, but I want you to know I'm thinking about you and hope you feel better soon.

I have a similar issue with my daughter. She is 6 and has ADHD and I go crazy. My doctor suggested I put her on meds, but I refused and told him I had to find a way to deal with it.

I have panic attacks everyday when It's time to go pick her up from school and I feel so guilty. I've been forcing myself to play games and read books to her because I know when she is grown up I will be mad at myself for not paying attention to her.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that you might feel guilt after she is gone if you hadn't taken care of her. But on the flip side you have to take care of you first because where will she be if your in the hospital? You won't do her no good while in there. You have to weight it out. Make a list of pros and cons and trust your gut feeling.

I hope this helped a bit.
Tammy

Hey Herc,

Not sure if I have any words of wisdom. You know the drill. Try and have patience. Try to take small breaks to escape. Have some "me" time. Remember that she isn't well(neither are you) so try and give both of you some space when you need it.

It sucks....My aging grandfather lived with us till he was 95. It was hard, so I do understand.


Try and take care.....Hugs.

Hiya

I just thought that I'd let you know that there is support for carers out there. Even in my very rural location.

Your local health centre should be able to set up someone to help you both out. I know that there are respite services for carers. They offer home help to aid with the house hold chores, bathing and general care of the person you are caring for. They also offer to whisk the person you are caring off for a short while every once in a while (a few days top a couple of weeks).

This wouldnt mean that you want rid of her but it would give you a break every now and then. They also offer group get togethers where you can discuss the problems you are facing with others who are in the same situation which would probably reassure you that you are not the only one who needs help or a short break now and then. I would think that this would help with the feelings of guilt about not being able to cope. You really shouldnt feel guilty but I know that its not easy to just turn it off.

You arent alone with this you maybe just need to know that. In the UK this is a free service but I dont know if that is the situation in the US. There are also voluntary or charitable organisations that help with this.

Give it a go. Maybe getting together with the local group support before deciding whether you want to go ahead with having a short break would help. But either way a bit of help in the home wouldnt go amiss. Just someone to do the cleaning and bath her etc would take some of the pressure off.

Hope this is of some help

Take care