Just want to say that I do have to take pills everyday as my depression is so bad that I can't function without them. It is worth it to me though cause the difference is like night and day. It took a while to find the right combination of drugs but, I am so grateful that I finally found them. Good luck to you. I hope you get some relief soon.
Take care, Morgan

Hi! I had written a posting about how I have suffered from depression my entire life, but wasn't diagnosed with anything until 10 years ago (I'm 50+). But, I wound up deleting everything because it is still hard to talk about it.

All I can recommend is that you continue your sessions with your therapist, and continue talking to your psychiatrist about medications. There are several different ones out there, and I have been through a lot of them. I have a young son and I need to continue trying-if not for me, then for him.

Don't look so far ahead-it is too daunting. Just get through each day as simply as you can.

I have to believe that the depression will eventually ease off with my small efforts.

Good Luck

YOU CAN do this metis but you have to start caring...caring about you.

Write a list of all the positives and re read then over and over until you beleive them.

You already reached out here..that is positive...you are on the right track meds will help but it is the thought that have to change.

I really benefitted from CBT....helped immensely. I hope the only way for you to go now is up. We are here to help you...but you have to care, you must or you wouldnt be reaching out here.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.

I've been on meds since 1997 and learned the hard way that I need them to live. I hate taking pills. I'd sooner eat worms. But after several years of CBT "AND" MEDS I can at least live a life I enjoy(most of the time)

I think when I finally realized that I was going to have occasional relapses and learned how to handle them was when I relaxed and accepted this thing called PTSD and depression.

I also stopped stressing so much when I knew I was not going to die from all this. It is amazing the affect of just knowing what is wrong has on you. Having a name or label attached to this disorder makes such a difference. To know why we do the things we do and why we feel the way we feel actually helps relieve the symptoms, at least for me.

Take them pills is my motto. It works and I for one am not going to mess with success!

Lordy girl, that ^^^^^^^ is depression, big-time.

I was in the same spot as you until about 2 weeks ago. Please don't feel bad metis, I didn't see it in myself, either. :( I just didn't give a shit about anything. My doc put me on bupropion as well. But a lot more than you :) 150 mg to start (which is the normal starting dose), and that's on top of 20 mg Paxil.

Good news is, it's working. 100%? Nope.... but I also believe that I have things to work through, and as such no pill is going to just deliver 100% perfect life. :-P But is it helping to re-plug me in to the positive, "functional" parts of my brain? Yes.

metis, how are you doing? It's been a few days, if you started the 100 mg bupropion on the 31st then you should be reaching your max plasma levels now... how's it feel?

I did have a few side-effects from the bupropion, which were driving me batty but I promised myself I'd stick through this one thing (the Wellbutrin) 'til my next doctors' appt in a week. 3 weeks was the deal. Sure enough, all but 1 side-effect has gone away. (This last one sucks, but I'm dealing, minute by minute currently)

metis, I totally understand what you were saying above, I have been there for months here this winter. :( I realize you cannot make yourself think positively, you cannot make yourself believe positive things. I tried that myself.... The computer (brain) just doesn't have that program installed. LOL ... If your problem is brain chemistry, and you have found a med that works for you, stick with it. Work with it. Be patient.

You are not permanently and unfixably broken. It's not a matter of willpower. You are doing a great job considering the pile of crap that you're being dealt here!!! Once the screwed-up chemistry is fixed, life is not nearly as hard. Hang in there, m'dear.

And please let us know how you are doing????

Bailey

Okay. Things aren't good. The psychiatrist wants to up my meds the next time he sees me (2 weeks) he just wants my body to get used to this dosage first.

It's still not good and it has come to light that with where I'm at I need to take a break from school. It's killing me to make this decision but I can't handle it right now, it's not helping me heal (it's just making it worse).

My mind isn't good. It's to the point where I don't know how I am. Like I've gotten past the point of being able to say I'm sad or down - I just don't know how I am. I'm not in a good place, but I'm trying to get myself there.

I know that it takes courage to admit to myself where I am, and what my limitations are right now. That to stop school takes more courage than to keep pushing through it. It means I have to take stock and give myself time to heal.

Thank you for starting this topic Metis! I'm going through all this right now too. I'm working full time and even pulling overtime. School is going to hell this semester. I've dropped all but one class. I'm working from 4pm to 1:30am most nights and am working on the weekends for the overtime. I hate what my schedule is doing to how much I see my daughter. As far as trying to socialize, I get home at 2am, nobody else is up to socialize with. Nobody here but me most of the time anyway. I'm still going through a lot emotionally, still crying a lot, still depressed, can't sleep right, shaking, having nightmares, a total wreck and I've been isolating again. My doctor is afraid I'm headed for crash and burn land. I can't bring myself to admit defeat and take a break from school though. Even if I did it wouldn't make all the rest of this bad crap in my head go away, it won't stop the crying and shutting people out. I keep beating myself up for not being Wonder Woman I guess. I went into work today with my eyes all swollen, I looked horrible, barely spoke to anyone. I don't have an answer for you Metis-Siren, I don't even have an answer for me at this point.

I went to the counselor's office at school today. Told them my situation, all that I'm trying to juggle concerning school, work, and my personal life. The counselor asked for my probation letter. I told them I wasn't on probation yet as far as I knew. He pulled up my records and was amazed that someone with a 3.5gpa was in there worrying about screwing up. He said most of the people he sees wait until they are totally flunking to try to fix things. He agreed I was doing the right thing by dropping most of my class load this semester and trying to take some time to deal with my other issues and regroup. We did an academic strategy plan and things aren't as bad as I feared they were. I feel a lot better about school for now. It was really stressing me out. Getting back my Abnormal Psych test today was a little boost too, I aced it.

CBT seems to me to be just logical thinking in a distorted form...sure my head says its OK but the rest of me says NO WAY....My therp just started with this focus relaxation stuff...I think its ok but I still cant get past the fear...maybe some day

CBT encompasses many aspects, relaxation, trauma therapy, management skills, exposure therapy, etc etc.... all encompassed into the CBT model. CBT is a term given to teach a person skills that they can adapt to themselves for the rest of their life. Fear has to do with trauma, relaxation skills is not going to remove your fear, facing your fear is what removes your fear, being trauma or exposure therapy. The other aspects of PTSD are not about trauma, they are about management skills you will require the remainder of your life.

Now, saying all that.... a therapist should never teach you one thing in one area, because you cannot blanket the world as one thing works for everyone. If a technique doesn't work, and you have tried it with no avail, then you must tell your therapist so they can deliver another one to you for a try. You continue the cycle until you find what works for you.

Example... all that relaxation nonsense just never did anything for me, nothing at all. I tried and tried, but nothing. So the point was to relax.... OK, what do "I feel" relaxes me best? Maybe its a board game (not computer game), maybe a walk, maybe chilling out watching cartoons, something that is soothing and not destructive or could cause frustration.... hence at the completion off 30 minutes to an hour, I am totally relaxed. It could be going to mow the lawn, I am alone, in my own world, exercising, doing something constructive, but at the end I am actually quite relaxed as I enjoy it.

It is not about what works for someone else, but instead what works best for you to achieve the goal... relaxation being that goal.