to Anthony: thinking, thinking, thinking...

to Sunnydaze & Johnathan: I'm glad other people understand what I felt like at the beginning of this thread.

I'm sorry this is bothering you sunnydaze, and that this forum is depressing, I feel the same way, but I gather that is part of the point of this forum, not to be depressing exactly, but to face your fears and problems and "push" yourself to get through the pain for a better future life. I'm with you.

Also, sunnydaze, I'm actually learning something from this thread, as unpleasant as it's been. like I said, I'm sorry that it's bothering you, can you maybe just ignore it? if it's not something that you think you need to be thinking about maybe it's better not to think about it?

Tara,
No problem, I'm letting it go just felt I had to stick somewhat up for you and the others. We all want sympathy, we all want pity and we all want to get well. It is just human nature! I am going to be a slow learner getting well, I can see that but as long as there is progress time is not wasted. I wish you the best on your recovery.
I just got a phone call from my health insurance who has a program to motivate me in putting the past away and setting goals. With this forum, my 2 T.'s and insurance program , I looking forward to begining a new journey of well-being.
sunnydaze

here here i agree i would have been so anoyed if this was my thread, Bt i also see what your saying antony this is your forum but i would have thought setting a example would have been key.

Anyway i have nothing else to say on the subject keep in there people

So basically I've come to a compromise in my mind about this whole thing.
Anthony, you're right, I do want sympathy to some degree, I think that's natural, though I agree it probably doesn't do me any good.
But that was not the motivation behind my original post. I was venting.
"Venting is venting... usually comes with history I guess or people say, "I am venting" because the written word here is not the same as saying it face to face, no emotion passed in written context so you need to be quite expressive and outline emotion to words ensuring a reader understands. I would say it is impossible to master, though definitely achievable to get right the majority of the time. I guess its one off those things that comes with writing online." (sorry whoever's editing, I still havent figured out quoting yet)

I've never been involved in a forum, never even spent much time online, so I don't know the etiquette etc. That's why I kept saying "I just wrote about what I feel!!"; I didn't get why MINE got rejected.

Your reply was kind of nasty, and it hurt, but I get the feeling I shouldn't hold my breath for an apology or anything. I respect what you're doing here very much, but what happened here was pretty much my worst nightmare about writing this stuff in public come true.

I have to write this all out bc I have a super intense reaction to not being truly heard, to being misunderstood; I'm sure that's from all these years of trying to get people to understand what happened and is still happening to me, and no one until very recently REALLY HEARING ME. So I'm sorry everyone for this long, drawn-out crap fest.

My sincerest prayers of healing to EVERYONE here.
the end.

Tara, I have no issue is saying sorry to you, sorry. I call it as I read it, I accept that. You don't have to worry about others understanding here, as trauma is their world, my world, we have all suffered in our own unique and individual ways. But here is the best thing from this Tara. You now accept that sympathy has done you no favours. My exact aim then is achieved, because within a few pages you understand it has not helped you, most likely only hindered your progress actually.... so that is the positive you have gained already from being here, and yes as unfortunate a little pain can be, by me poking you about it you have found this now yourself. I nor another can solve your problems, but you can be pushed in the right direction to find things yourself, which only then will you understand and adapt to your healing journey. For that Tara, well done.... short time here and you learnt a very good positive.... sympathy does not help our PTSD.

Tara,

You will soon learn that Anthony truly truly is not a mean person. He may sound it, his bite hurts, but I believe that he is a good man, with a big heart that wants nothing more than to help people....No I am not sucking up to anyone for anything. I do believe in Anthony, and this site. JMO!!!!