Sara Soda

Please realize first of all that I have issues with trust. However, that guys would scare the hell out of me.

There is just to much uncertainty in the comments he has made to you. I would come right out and ask him what the hell did he mean by those statements? Ask him just exactly was he trying to tell you.

Then tell him if statements like that continue, you won't be. I know that sounds harsh, but there are a lot of nuts on the internet and you must be careful. Just sounds way to creepy to me. Have you asked your friends what their opinion is? That might give you some different view points to consider

One of the problems with email and chat and written communication in general is that we can't see the other person's face or hear the voice so we can gather more clues to interpret sarcasm, humor, threatening tones, or otherwise be able to tell if that other person is sincere.

Many times I have made mistakes by misinterpreting what I have read because when we read, we have only that one form of information, and not the added convenience of visual and auditory like when we speak in person.

As I have learned recently, it's best to clarify and not assume.

I don't think it's unwise to keep your wits about you, and to be cautious, especially with online relationships.

In the same breath... I also don't think it's a good thing to jump the gun because right now. Because neither you nor I know if you are being over-sensitive (many of us would be wary anyway, let alone anyone who suffers anxiety!), or if there's something weird about him. If you start questioning his reasons behind his words I would like to point out two things: a) he'll catch on you don't trust him and think he's suggesting threat and if he's decent he might think YOU'RE the psycho - and b) if he is dangerous, he's not going to admit to anything anyway, and will probably just be more careful!

Unfortunately, this the nature of online relationships. You don't know that person, they could be 'just anyone', and you do, at some point, have to take a leap of faith in trusting that they are not a serial axe murderer.

In the meantime... keep your eyes open, settle on the fact that you may be wrong OR right but right now you don't know (I don't want you to dismiss your worries - you could be right!), and decide to stay undecided for now. He can't hurt you by email. So try to enjoy the relationship, but keep your wits about you, and don't meet him until you feel comfortable - I'm guessing that will only be if you decide you don't think he's harmful anyway.

If you're constantly feeling on edge about him, and your guts are going "something's not right with this guy"... then end the relationship. I say that for two reasons - either you're instincts are telling you something you should not ignore, or; regardless of why, you're not enjoying the relationship and trust is not building thus cut your losses and work on yourself a bit more. Either of those situations won't end up with happiness or confidence.

I've had online friendships before.. and to give to opposite extremes, one turned out to be a peadophile grooming me... I told a friend the things he was saying, and then that he wanted us to meet up and had made a suggestion to 'elope' -I didn't know what the word meant so I asked someone. They had to work really hard to get me to see what was going on. I was younger and the situation was slightly different, but dodgy people do go online, it does happen, and they can try to manipulate, so it's always sensible to be cautious. I trusted this man, but at the same time something didn't feel right either, and I wasn't entirely comfortable. Turns out that was good instincts trying to tell me something through my naivity.

Another online friendship... well... nearly 8 years on and the friendship isn't online anymore, it's in person, and I don't regret a second of it. The difference with this one was, there was never any pressure to meet. There was never even any plan to. The friendship just naturally evolved into what it is, and we first met 4 years after online contact (takes me a while to trust!).

Welcome by the way I'm a Brit too.

Well, now he's talking about coming to the US to buy something. That brought up a bunch of anxiety. I'm also trying a new antidepressant, after many have not worked. He has sent me several articles on how antidepressants don't work, and is trying to convince me to take ritalin. He takes it since antidepressants don't work for him. I've told him I don't want to take ritalin because it seems addictive, and I've come close to becoming addicted to vicodin in the past. In his most recent email he offered to mail me ritalin. He does have my address. Recently I told him that I was going on Cymbalta and was trying to be optimistic even though antidepressants have seemed to stop working (i've been on 5 different ones). He emailed back saying he hoped I got his link to the research that shows that antidepressants don't work, and used a bunch of exclamation marks.

Hi Lisa, thanks for the advice, I think hearing that you waited 4 years to meet your friend, and that they did not pressure you to meet, helps me not feel so bad about being fearful to meet, and that it's ok to take a lot of time. And with me, it does take a lot of time. Thanks so much. You've helped me a lot. I will keep my wits about me.

Sara