I am not comfortable with discussing things to people I know, so I thought a forum would be a good option. I just found out a year ago I had PTSD. A lot of stress factors led into the determination. As a child I was almost kidnapped and ran from my predator, my biological father was in and out of prison, I was adopted at the age of 2 and he began verbally pyhsically, spiritually and sexually abusing me. My parents were always fighting and my ex-father would beat her too. I raised my siblings, so I never had the option of being a child. At 14 I was allowed to go on vacation with a friend and her parent. There was no supervision and it happened to be spring break. Within that week I was raped (a virgin prior to this) and 3 days later drugged and gang raped. I had no one to talk to, so I held it in and in my early thirties it is all starting to come out. I always considered myself a strong woman up to when I was diagnosed with PTSD. My marriage has almost fallen apart a couple of times, I have been so depressed that I can't get out of bed, I can't be a mother to my children, I am fearful of anyone and don't like to go out in public alone. Every time I begin to heal a major stress knocks me down and I now feel like I have completely relapsed. I am shaking, not sleeping, seeing things, scared at minimal noises, sexually incompetint and within the last few days begin to stutter b/c I get so worked up that I can not think through a conversation. I don't know if this will ever end, I don't know how many people are going through some or all of the same symptons. I only know I am on 7 medications and see doctors once or twice a week. My husband can only handle so much and I don't know how much strentgh I have in me. Can anyone identify?

Hope

I can totally identify. You can start a diary here of your trauma and read it over and over......sounds hash but it will feel worse before it gets better.

Go and see your md...short tem meds might help.
Practice deep breathing techniques and progressive muscle relaxation.
Get a professionally trained professional in trauma therapy. if finances permit) Go to your nearest emergency room and they might be able to point you in the right direction.
Feel free to read diaries....for me..though triggering helped me not feel so all alone and so much like a feak.
Don't do self help or work late at night it makes falling asleep that much harder ( I leaned that the hard way)
Make sure to take breaks between reading and witing.
Talk to us...we really do understand and want to help.

Sorry....missed you were on meds...maybe it is not the right combination.

Hope

I am new to this too..hope it may help that you could be me - my traumas are different, but your reactions are so like mine. My therapist has always said he wished there could be a break in trauma so we could really work on it. I recently lost my insurance, but my therapist is working to get me into a study. I have hope. But it does feel good that I am not the only one. I will be talking as long as I can - feeling the support of others is awesome

Hi Hope,

Welcome to the forum...Pandora is right. What would help is starting a diary and reading it, then take a break, write some more and so on. It really does help. Hopefully when you are ready you can start one. Other than that there is a ton of support here.

Hi Hope, Welcome to the forum.

Welcome to the forum Hope.

Hope,

You are not alone!!!

You have found a place of comfort and understanding!

You are not going mad!

Your mind and body are responding to very traumatic events in order to protect you (even though it does not feel like that right now).

You are brave and a survivor!

You have reached out and the people on here will hold your hand.

You will get through this!

'Hope' 'to look forwards with desire and confidence'....

Welcome!

Spiritx

Hi Hope, I can identify and most of the members will be able to as well. I hope you can find some help on this forum through reading and others guiding you along your way in healing.

Peace
Tammy