I seem to be sinking into a state of depression that is unexpected. I have been writing in my trauma diary quite a lot lately.

I've also been recalling lost memories and now I am just so dam depressed. I feel so lost. I am devoid of any emotion or feeling or really anything. I guess I am numb. Except for the headache I've had for weeks.

Maybe I need to go away from the forum for a while. I have not taken a break for some time. But it is my only contact with the outside world and people. If I stay away I will really "be alone". Don't know what to do.

I'm just really really sad that's all

I am so sorry you are in so much pain, Herc. Maybe time to put a call in to the doc to make a change in meds while you are going through so much pain. I wish I had words or anything to make you feel better.

Hi Herc....I don't know what to say to make you feel better except to say you are not alone. i am feeling exactly the same way...even though I have written a lot too and it has been very cathartic. The reality has set in for me right now too...my past and my present are kicking my butt today too. I wish there was a magic answer for all of us. Don't isolate youself too much, even from the forum because it has been helpful...right? We would miss you!

Herc,

Yup know the feeling all too well. Once the reality of our lives, trauma and everything else hits, the depression starts. Hang in there....Take a break from your diary for awhile is about all I can suggest right now.

Hugs.

Since all of us seem to be in the same place, Is It A Full Moon or Something?

When I worked in an emergency room it always got crazy during the full moon. Even the cops will say the same thing. So let's just blame all this on the moon. Sounds like a good enough reason to me.

Feel a little better this evening? ? ? I guess.

I know it has been said to you before, but do you guys really know what having ya'll around means to me? Your presence is a calming and stabalizing force for me. I am truly grateful from the depth of my soul.

I was recently asked why I was depressed. How do you answer a question like that.

When does depression come with a reason? It just seems to "be there". It doesn't slowly creep up on you. It does not slowly build to a cresendo. Just seems like--tada you're depressed.

Do you know why you are depressed? Am I missing something? I can only say that I am depressed and sad and down and blue. Can any one of you guys put your why into words

Yeah, Grama-Herc...today I can tell you why thinking, writing, and speaking about certain things is depressing. Certain things are sad and it's appropriate to feel that way. If I was happy and cheerful about them, something would definitley be wrong with me. I have needed to take a break from those things. Between facing those things at work and with my therapist and here, there have been few opportunities to feel good. As a matter of fact, what I have written here has shifted away from the disturbing visual memories. I think it has helped.

As for the kind of depression that comes on for no other reason except a chemical imbalance, that was always hard to deal with and explain.

Grama-Herc, take it easy. Do something good for yourself today. Take a break from it and give yourself an opportunity to feel good. As much as we may want to rush the healing process, sometimes it's best to allow ourselves the rest needed. For myself, I compare it to a leg injury-give it rest, allow the pain and swelling to go down. Just because I can walk on it, doesn't mean it's ready to play basketball. It would only aggravate it again and lengthen the healing process. I have to constantly remind myself of this.

tude

Hey Herc,


There are different levels and I would think certain things that can cause depression. Some people have chronic depression, others it may be seasonal as in S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and then there are situational things that can cause depression. This may be what they person was referring to when they asked why you were depressed.

I have had depression all of my life, worse at times, better sometimes, but it is always there. I have SAD and I have situational depression. I usually can tell which is affecting me and at what times.

I'm just a bowl of cherries to be around at times......Someone ate the cherries and left me with the pits....LOL!!!!!

She and Tude

Sometimes you guys seem to be so together and it is always when I need you to be. I appreciate the input and caring youj guys always show to me. Hope I do the same for you.I like the broken leg analogy. It's a good way to explain this mess to myself as well as others. Good point