I don't have all my memories. I know that and, really, don't want them. My T says I don't need to have them to heal.

But I'm wondering. What about being triggered? The stress on my body and mind has, I'm sure, shortened my life and my ability to function. I'm so very tired.

What can help with the triggering? Do I need the memories?

TLight

Hi Tlight,

A lot of us don't remember everything. I don't have total recall of my trauma either. I work with what I do know, and if things come to light, then I work on those.

Knowing your triggers does help. Some things you have to avoid, somethings you can't, and those are the ones to work on.

Yes facing your trauma and working through it is the only way to heal yourself. PTSD will always be there, but with hard work, you should be able to lessen the severity of the pain that you are going through now.

Hang in there....

Thanks so much She-Cat,

I know that my triggers are 1) for sure, an unemployed man in my house and 2) bullyng and harrassment by men at work, plus, women who act like my abusive Mother, complaining, passive aggressive, hysterical. I encountered these types of women over and over in customer service, so I went back to school, finished two degrees and became a biologist here in the NW.........really just to be out in nature and away from humans, and also to have some respect.
WEll, after two jobs, the male bosses were extremely condescending, humiliating, etc. I've stood up for myself, but it takes it all out of me. I just hate having to constantly defend myself. Probably because I got beaten a lot........learned to stand up meant severe punishment.

Now I'm facing having to return to work. Triggers galore. I'm waiting for SSD for the 3rd time in 12 years. They make me feel like I'm such a failure, but I know I can't let this attitude permeate my fight.

Just so tired of all the injustice. Fibro, chronic fatigue,PTSD the hell I've been in for so long. Physically, I'm beat.

I want so badly to heal and not be traumitized anymore. Please pray for me for the Creator to keep triggers away from me. I'm just trying to keep a roof over my head. I have no one right now.

Thanks for letting me talk.

TLight...Hello...

I've found that the triggering does lesson over time; it has in my experience. I spent a good decade in therapy and it was one KABOOM after another. I think that what we focus on becomes figural...

I'm at a point now where I'm not dealing so much with what happened then as what I'm left with now. I've unearthed and confronted just about every memory and event that's likely to emerge...I can see them now without being triggered. (Phew!!)

Now, after 27 years of trying to make sense of it all, I am looking at what can (still) be changed and what is with me for life. I startle easily; I have chronic insomnia; I struggle to rise above a level of exhaustion that has been normal for me since infancy.

Re: triggers...the most important thing I've learned is to get grounded in the here and now -- it can be as simple as focusing my eyes on something around me, or stomping a foot on the floor so that I stay in the present.

Writing helps. Music helps. Warm baths help. Rubbing my hands together to feel something in my body helps. It's funny -- but the most effective "stay-in-the-present" tactics tend to be the best ones.

One of my mentors asked me to create an "overwhelm" list --> anything that set off the alarms in my brain. I did that. Then I was invited to look at each item on the list and imagine how I could underwhelm myself from sensory overload to some measure of inner quiet.

Example: panic in a crowd (overwhelm). Possibilities for underwhelming: don't put myself in crowds; if I'm in one, move outside its boundaries; place a hand on my belly and breathe deep; if I'm with another person, hold his/her hand to make contact...etc.

Often, the overwhelm comes simply from too much stimulation to the nervous system. I've designed much of my life to be simple, quiet, uncluttered, serene. I do my best to keep my home clean; I play soothing music; I stay away from violent media and noise (as best I can in this world!); I try to tend to one thing at a time (the human brain apparently is not designed to multi-task -- I agree wholeheartedly!).

Learn your triggers...then act to reduce their impact. Breathe deep...put yourself into a place that feels safe. You'll get through it.

All the best to you...Roo

Thank you so much for your feedback. I certainly know my triggers now, unfortunately one of them is employment. I'm hoping this next go around, I will be able to protect myself better from disrespectful, rude, harassing, stalking people.
I know I will never again move a man in with me who is unemployed or 'pondering' changing careers. That just about killed me last time. And, of course, I get blamed for it.

Thanks all for your support. I'm going into nature now.........the place of peace.