I am a 30 year old OIF2 vet. I have been home from the War for 4 years now. I was diagnosed with PTSD in the hospital. I pretty much diagnosed myself before the docs did. But my question is this:

How can I improve myself as a more productive employee at any job? My work suffers as I do every day of my life. I have done classes at the VA, taked many different meds, talked and talked and talked, but nothing seems to improve. I'm constantly afraid of getting fired and it takes everything I have to perform just enough to not get canned. Anyone out there with similar issues? Any advice? Anything?

Chuck

Chuck,

What symptoms are getting in the way? Could you be more specific about the types of problems you are having?

Oh, and welcome to the forum...

hi chuck. we are very different, i am a teacher. but i have a lot of issues with concentration, zoning, being late, memory, that affect my job performance. it causes me much angst, as i feel unfit for teaching sometimes. ihave learned to organize things a certain way, keep my curriculum at hand, etc. to try and stay focused and do a decent job. it doesn't always work.
cathy

Hey Chuck, welcome to the forum.

I have a lot of trouble at work. Luckily, I'm a scientist so I spend a lot of time just at the computer writing papers alone. I love it when everyone just leaves me alone. But there are other times when I have to present, go to Agency meetings, discuss restoration options....etc.

My last job, as an environmental consultant, I was doing good on the days I just wrote. Out in the field with coworkers was difficult. I just wished they would shut up and enjoy nature..........when I go back I'm going to try making that known. That is my time with God, when I do field work.

But then I had a tough regulation violation case. I was a nut case. Stressed to the max, every regulatory agency in the region was at these meetings and I had to run them and get my client out of trouble. I was a mess. Never want to go through that again. AND I DON'T HAVE TOO! I'M LEARNING WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE MY LIFE WONDERFUL!

I'm easing back into work by going to a nursery part time. I'm looking for a job that is more scientific than regulatory. I'm scared really. Really glad I have Klonopin and a doc that will give it to me. She put me in charge. I hate to take the crap, but it's just not worth the suffering.

You might consider it. I'm triggered just by work really. Had a lot of really bad experiences.
Good luck and let us know how its going.

About the worring about getting fired. That's just your thoughts. It might be reassuring to check in periodically with your supervisor for reassurance, only if they are a safe person!

I'd suggest not asking for constructive criticism, just ask for some reassurance and save the other for your performance reviews.

Remember, your thoughts are not you!

I was asked about symptoms that I experience. Well, the worst one is the anxiety that I feel constantly. I still don't feel safe. So I am always worried about something else other than my job. When I work for the military ( I am still a Guardsman) I feel more at ease. But with civilian employers I don't think they understand. The second symptom I have a lot is anger. I have to hide it and eventually someone says something rude and I get SUPER defensive. Then I end up being 'unprofessional' and I get talked to. I still don't feel comfortable discussing my past in Iraq with employers. It's really none of their business. I am pretty much going to be in the computer networking field for the rest of my career. A lot of times I can work alone, but I do have to interact with 'clients'.

Sometimes I

I find that the more active I stay the fewer flashbacks I have. So actually I'd say it may have improved my work ethics. Now I work work work. I hate it because I have little free time, my mental fatigue gets the best of me, but with free time for myself I have far more flashbacks than at work.

The work place is tough because we don't want bosses and co-workers to know about our PTSD and have judgements. I am a high school science teacher in an inner city school. What I did was to make a list of things that I found hard to do at work. Then I tried to plan strategies to overcome or compensate for them.

You said that part of your difficulty is self-confidence and interacting with people.

The checking in with your supervisor for positive feedback will improve your confidence. Also learn to evaluate yourself fairly and accept when you really did a good job on the system you manage. You need to feel you are accomplishing things each day - make a list of things you did at the end of each day as a work journal - that will build up your self-confidence and be something to show your supervisor at your reviews. Sometimes if an employee has a lot to offer with minimal flaws the flaws can be ignored or minimized by supervisor actions.

As for interacting with people, that's a tough one if your anger is just under your skin. You need to vent some of that in a positive way, ex: exercise, writing in a journal, dealing with the source of the anger and focusing its energy on changing things or accepting them (it is what it is). Learn some anger management tools that will work for YOU. On my bad days, (this will sound stupid but it works for me) I carry a coin or marble in my pocket. When I'm getting really tense or on edge ready to let go I squeeze the marble really hard to focus the energy. Whatever token works for you it should be meaningful- dogtags? I've also learned just a short walk through the halls focusing on my breathing can break it before I lose it. The point is figure out what you can do to break the cycle and allow you the time to regain your composure until you can react calmly with purpose. This is very hard to do - but practice makes perfect.

The first step is done - you recognize the problems and why!

However, some of what you describe could also only be your perception of a problem that doesn't exist. I've done that before too.


Stick with it! We are here for you.