Bless you Spirit. I know, I've been forgiving for years and it hasn't worked, probably because I never allowed myself to feel the pain or grieve. You are so right........forgiveness of others can wait. I need to pamper myself.

thank you again, more than you know...........

I'm with you, tude. It's almost as if I am not allowed to have feelings and everyone in the world was born knowing that except me.

I have been there, lended my time and concern for so many others who needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, but when I needed the favor returned, they'd say something really cold and unfeeling, then drop out of my life. It happened again just recently. Someone I would have called a dear friend, someone I have helped emotionally, financially and with hours and hours of time listening to her recite what she was going through, sessions with her counselor, efforts to get a divorce, problems with her family and then when I looked to her for a second head, she cut me off. We were instant messaging and she said she wasn't interested in a pity party, then signed off.

I keep forgetting I was apparently designed to be the whipping girl for everyone. I'm not allowed to have feelings or cry and if I do, am not to be acknowledged.

That really sucks JustJane.....so sorry. I went through a similiar thing. When we 'come out' people treat us like we are the plague or something.

You are not experiencing pity, you are grieving. Many people have laid the 'self pity' trip on me and I took it on, keeping me stuck.....Finally got into therapy and realize they were all so friggen wrong and had no compassion what so ever.

When we heal, more and more, we will have true friends. People like to just think about their own crap, can't handle the intensity of our stuff.

Five of my friends know about my PTSD, so does my parents and my boyfriend. Their reactions was completely different. My dad didnt want to talk about it while my mother thought it was something caused by lack of food and sleep (eventhought Ive explained to her about my trauma).
One friend told me I was a liar (ex friend) and that I made it up to get more attention. The others tried to get more facts about it all to understand me better.
My boyfriend does understand and talks with me about it as soon as I need to, and also takes good care of me.

I recommend people who have PTSD to talk about it with their loved ones, not just to make things clear, its healing to practise talking to others about it and just "get it out".

Good luck to everyone!

Agnes

Well, the only "people" who know about any of the initial trauma, insist that it didn't happen to me. Period. My family. My sister absolutely, positively insists (and has everyone convinced), that SHE and my uncle's daughter, were the only ones "sacrificed" to him for the abuse. I just admitted to my T, that it wasn't until my sister had her breakdown, that I even considered that the same thing happened to me. That was at least 15 years after the occurrence.

The actual physical traumas I experienced-well, according to everyone (family and friends). They're over, you survived, don't dwell on them...... next.......... (had these traumas occurred even 10 years earlier than they did, I would be dead, or without a leg-right from the mouth of a doctor).

I have very, very casually referred to "every family having a "funny" uncle" to some friends, and they just go right over it. I say nothing.

I told one friend (a couple years ago) that I was seeing a therapist, and she quickly left the subject. She has since forgotten, because she insists that with her MSW (masters in social work), that she know what is best for her grieving mother-and therapy is just something they DON"T DO! SHE knows what is best-and therapy is not the way to go. I NEVER bring it up to her again.

I told another friend about therapy, and she just keeps telling me to leave my husband, and I will be better.

Phew-no wonder I keep it to myself, and only discuss it here.....

"It's over, you survived, don't dwell on it........"

I friggen hate that when people say that. I want to explode!

I've found that most people respond pretty well to my experiences. But usually I don't share them unless I am feeling very close with that person already and a subject is already being talked about that lends itself well to stepping through that door. I don't share with a lot of people so my view is probably biased.

Now when it first happened my Mom responded by making the perpetrator's name a dirty word and never really speaking of it again other than in disgust. My Mom tended at that time to be the stereotypical Chinese woman and conveyed the idea that feeling negatively is just unacceptable. That was hard and not being able to talk about it back then probably contributes significantly to my difficulties with it now.

Recently my mother has been through some deep depression herself and in fact the other day she held me while I cried about what happened! After about 10 years... what a breakthrough. :)