After years of feeling the need to be sure my mom always had a nice holiday, I don't have to worry about it anymore. We have agreed to "just skip it"

In my younger days I could not comprehend how my mother would not celebrate the holidays. I just did not understand.

When I was living isolated and alone the holidays would push me right to the edge. I did not handle them well at all. So when I returned to my home town and could celebrate cuz I was no longer alone it was fun.

As I have aged it has gotten to the point that "NOW" understand why mom would not celebrate the holidays. Our holidays have become so commercialized that I feel like screaming. My mom and I acknowledge the religious holidays of our choice and let the rest of the junk go>

Holidays are difficult on people who are alone because we are letting others dictate to us what is right and proper. Our society has somehow gotten the idea that if you are alone for a holiday there must be something wrong with you.

Where did all of this come from? Why as a society have we created this painful and quite frankly, isolating ritual?

I finally discussed this issue with my therapist before Christmas last year; and I chose a new strategy dealing with holidays. I agree with everyone in that I feel like an island during a major 'family' holiday. For me, it was determined that all the horrible things happened to me during those times; my mom always made a big deal of Christmas, Easter, etc., but then if I received anything, the underlying messages were that I didn't really 'deserve' to have fun, presents, etc. It always killed the day.

I am lucky in that I raised my kids and forced my way through each holiday, hiding (I thought) my depression and the sick hollow feeling inside. Now that I am completely cut off from my family, I choose to non-celebrate. My kids are grown and I've tried to explain why I feel like I do; they're good kids and they try to understand.

I told them I wouldn't 'celebrate' Christmas, and I didn't. Instead, (although I objected) my oldest son and his wife bought stocking things and a present for everyone and we still had a mini celebration, low key and more fun and focused on things like watching old movies and taking walks.
This Easter, I made reservations for my husband and I (who is a wonderful spouse and supportive of me in every way, so I am fortunate) and we went to the beach. No eggs, no chocolate, no bunnies, no false frivolity. I am more relaxed than I've ever been

We all have to decide what is important to our health and recovery and balance that with what our immediate family/friends can tolerate, I guess. That's my view, anyway.

I think the deal with holidays for me is this......


I was always a giver. I LOVED to give gifts, whether hand made, bought, or freshly baked I loved to give. I always went over board, spent way to much, and went into debt to provide my daughter and grandkids with things I wanted to give them. Now they don't speak to me, I am alone, and they have refused me to ever buy them anything again. For the last 5 yrs, I have been denied the one thing in life that I truly enjoyed.....Making others happy through my giving.

I now hate what has been taken away from me....The pleasure of giving, so I hate holiday's.......

Oh She

I am so sorry things revolving around the holidays has become a source of saddness for you.

I was the same way with my daughter, when she was with me. When I moved back to my home town I did the same thing for my mother, so I know exactly how much you enjoy the giving.

Family dynamics can get so tangled. I hate that your family is all tangled up in this mess. At least ya got "US"