I think it's imperative that you understand the person who's 'covering up' doesn't see it as a lie. There's a difference between deceit and avoidance.
I invited a friend to meet and go out; when the day before came, I was paralyzed with a fear, I just did NOT want to go and meet. I can't explain it. So I 'invented' a reason why it wouldn't work after all, and backed out. Did I feel horrible? Yes. Did I feel relieved? Yes again. Do I understand why I did it? Nope. It was a 'lie', but it was also self-preservation. And all I knew was that it was what I had to do, at that time...

You could not have explained my life any better. It is as if you were sitting on my shoulder for the past 11 years.

I make plans. I want to go places and do things. But when the time nears, there is no physical way I can go. The panic and anxiety that steps in and stops me dead in my tracks is so intense

I do not understand this at all! Do You? The invented reason. That is what eventually cost me my job. I simply could not keep track of those "invented reasons" why I was unable to go to work. They fired me. I certainly don't blame them. I had gotten to the point that I could not show up any morer.

What we do is not lieing, It is Self Preservation. It is Our Survival. If we are pushed we will collapse. That is the cold hard fact of our lives

i find it is certainly easier to lie to them rather than be straight. but then again, i think the family and friends i lie to dont want to hear the truth anyways. they just want to hear the happy fake stuff full of puppies and rainbows. so yes, it is much easier for me and them in my situation to put on that mask and lie.

[quote=Grama-Herc;64580]You could not have explained my life any better. It is as if you were sitting on my shoulder for the past 11 years.

I make plans. I want to go places and do things. But when the time nears, there is no physical way I can go. The panic and anxiety that steps in and stops me dead in my tracks is so intense

I do not understand this at all! Do You? The invented reason. That is what eventually cost me my job. I simply could not keep track of those "invented reasons" why I was unable to go to work. They fired me. I certainly don't blame them. I had gotten to the point that I could not show up any more. [quote=Grama-Herc;64580]



I don't understand it, either. And it seems to be increasing. I need to talk to my T, because it's turning me into a hermit. I was fired for the first time in my life a couple of years ago, and I've not been in a hurry to go back to work. I changed careers, and went to work for a while, then I had to have surgery, and I could probably work now, but I'm choosing to pursue school fulltime instead. I can handle being in class for a few hours a day, but I look forward to being home ASAP. I have four animals, and while at home, I joke with my husband that I must be the 'Pied Piper' of the house, because everywhere I go, they follow me. Even the cats. I get up and go to the kitchen, they're all underfoot. (The cat swipes at the little dog, it makes me laugh). I go back to 'my room' where I have TV, computer, phone, everything I need, they all follow and the dogs lay on the floor next to the bed and the cat tries to lay ON me. I guess the point of this is that I get comfort from them more than any human in my life (except my hubby of course). So staying home is really preferable for me. That's probably bad.
The weird thing is, I'm good at my new profession (Nursing) and I love it. But I get increasingly anxious about meeting and greeting socially. I guess I'm good at nursing because people appreciate me, and I'm gentle with them.
Grandma Herc, I DO understand how you feel. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.