What Bec said, really. I never remember just which trauma happened when. I think my sub-conscious knows more than my conscious mind does simply because of triggers like smells, environment, etcetera. Half the time I don't even realize I'm being triggered. Usually someone points it out to me and by then it's too late to figure it out or I just don't feel like trying.

This is a bit difficult for me because I dont want to know when the date was of my crash but its the same day as my friend's birthday. This complicates it for me as I have to remember it. It was the beginning of difficulties with the friendship too so its all a bit mixed up. However, I have chosen to have a good day, purposely doing something fun on that day. I have, in previous years, chosen to spend it away from that friend but I think as i am getting better this may not be necessary in the future.

I celebrate the date of my crash. I take the day off work and do something fun. I just take time out because so far that's what I've needed to do. I dont see myself needing to do it forever though.

I had a lot of trouble with the depression, flashbacks, etc as a teen. I have taken more notice as an adult of when it happens, which is late summer/early fall. I really never put it together until my therapist pointed it out a few weeks ago. I thought it was due to the shorter days.

The time of day was much more significant for me. For about 5 years after the incident, I woke up every single night within an hour of the time it happened (3:43am) and stayed awake until 5:30, because I had reasoned that that was a "safe" time to sleep. I was completely terrified the entire time I was awake, but too embarassed to ever tell anyone about it. It still happens occasionally during the Fall. This was, by far, my worst symptom.

I too, have bad times during end of summer and beginning of fall. I have come to realize that I was going back to school and that the abuse would kick into overdrive. I always felt sad about when kids went back to school, until I figured out why. Now I know, oh well.

Hi All,

I just found this thread. Tomorrow is a really bad anniversary of my trauma. I'm already starting to feel sick. I took off of work today, so I need to go in tomorrow. It might actually help to take my mind off it...I don't know. It will be ten years tomorrow since the last time I was raped. It was also on that day that I finally told someone, came out of the denial and all. While that might sound like a good thing, it was also when EVERYTHING came crashing down and I was left totally unable to deal.

I don't think it would be too bad, except that it's April Fool's Day, so that is a constant reminder of what day it is. I can't just pretend it is a random day or anything.

Ten years...I can't believe it's been ten years. I remember it like it was yesterday. I can remember every event of the day: everything that was said, done, what I was wearing...EVERYTHING. Ugh...the memories are coming on strong now. I don't know how I'm going to get through work tomorrow. G-d this really sucks.

Nic, this is so tough! Before you are flooded, can you make a list of how your life has improved over the past ten years - considering it was destroyed or at its lowest point then.

Make a list of what is special to you now, nothing is insignificant.

Tomorrow, each time you are getting shaky pull the list out and read it.

It's worth a try?

My thoughts are with you.

Thanks for this tip. I was able to make a list of 14 ways my life is better than it was at that point. I kept it in my bag during work today, and I was able to get through the day. Tonight may be difficult, but at least I am home and won't need to hide any anxiety/emotion that comes up.

nic;

I am glad your day went well and wish you a very good night.

Congratulations Nic! Good Job, I'm so glad the list worked even if just having it ready gave you a better focus (keep it for a rainy day). Next space, this evening:

Some idea's:

1. Light scented candles all through the house.
2. Get into your cozy clothes.
3. Some light music or tv on low volume. (voices so you are not alone)
4. Choose an activity that will make you focus a little but not stress you?
jigsaw puzzle, crossword, sudoko, writing poetry, painting, taking care
of your indoor plants, cleaning, writing some letters or cards to
people, making lists of things to do, a bubblebath ????
5. Snacks: chocolate, tea, baby carrots and dip, popcorn, cheese and
crackers, comfort foods?
6. One project that always is fun for me and keeps me moving forward is to
cut things out of magazines for a poster collage or my "me" book. My
"me" book is a notebook of pages, each with a focus on a topic, that is
visual images and phrases about the topic - EX: Calming or soothing
thoughts or images, glued on the page - candle, running water, ocean
scenes, sunsets, canoeing, pine trees, green wooded areas, someone
napping, a snuggly blanket,pet pictures, chocolate, fruit, cut out words,
relax, soothe, rejuvinate, aroma therapy, massage, sleep, ... OK you get
the idea.

So, if you have any old magazines, pick up the scissors and a large envelope or folder and start clipping and cutting randomly choosing things you like that catch your eye or thoughts. It usually gives me a big boost. I do this usually in two stages, cutting out party and then glueing night.

GOOD LUCK! My thoughts are with you.