I have always had issues with people coming into my home. I can not handle my safe zone being invaded. This sounds harsh and somewhat weird but I am very uncomfortable with other people in my space.

I knew that this would eventually happen when I had to move Mom in with me. This weekend there are 15 nieces/nephews with spouses coming to the house to see mom. She is the last of the orginal 7 children and these people, my cousins, visit "in groups" at least once a year.

Well, it was always OK for me cuz they were at Mom's house. I could go over, say hello, apologize for having other plans and leave and go back home.

Well, now they will be in my house, and hey, I just don't do company.

The closer this weeked gets the more anxious I am getting. I can't say "don't come". Mom is their only link to their deceased parents. They have questions AND they do love my mom. They have every right to visit and Mom has every right to have company. What the hell am I going to do.

If I excuse myself and go up to my room, take my word for it, someone will follow me to see if "I'm OK?" AUGH!!

Everyone wants to see our new place so there will be people wandering around all over the place. This is going to be a flaming disaster for me.

I am open for an suggestions on how to get through this! Right now I am just planning on lots of drugs!

I don't know if it will help or work but perhaps you can have plans to go out some of the time your guests are around. Like you might have to go to the library for a couple of the hours.

You are right, I don't think you can say don't come so perhaps you can go half way. Be there when they arrive, be polite and say hello and then go and do what you need to do for awhile, even if it means sitting in a park reading a book.

Grama-Herc, I have the same 'thing' about people coming into my space. When I want to have somone over for dinner as I sometimes do, if only to reciprocate for dinners I have been invited to, I do it at my sister's house while she is away!

I cannot imagine having to cope with an invasion like the one you are facing. My heart is racing just thinking about it on your behalf.
I agree with Nicolette's suggestion that you get out. As often and for as long as you need to.

And if going out is not possible, how about a polite sign on your door? "Meditating do not disturb" or some such thing.

And most important of all! try not to berate yourself all weekend for being 'unsociable, not a good hostess, etc.' That is my favourite way of making barely tolerable situations truly miserable for myself.

Oh...and keep breathing!

I usually tell people I'm tired or exhausted and need to lie down. That was a good idea dlross mentioned in putting something on your bedroom door "Do Not Disturb"

Good luck!
Tammy

When my inlaws come to visit they stay a week, and my fatherinlaw's wife does NOT like me at all. ( I speak my mind, and she is an 86 year old Lady) She has dementia, and the last time she came to visit, she walked into my bedroom and came over to my side of the bed and touched me to wake me up to ask me where she was.

I am an incest survivor, and that touch made me freak out like never before.
I could not spend any more time in my house during their visit because I was crying constantly. She triggered flashbacks and physical sensations that I could not deal with.

I told a friend of mine what she had done, innocent as it was. My fatherinlaw's wife has no idea of my trauma. The friend offered to let me stay at her house on the premise that her cat was dying, and that she did not want to stay up all night with him by herself, in her state of pre-mourning. Plus, her cat may start to choke, and someone should be there beside him to clear his throat in case he can't breathe. We were going to take 2-hour shifts all night.

The inlaws took that lie hook-line-and sinker. They were very understanding, and so I got the rest of their visit sleeping in my friend's house, safe.

If this scenario would work for you, please use it with my compliments. No charge. If you don't have a friend's house to use as a refuge, there's always Comfort Inn. The lie will still work, and the cost of a motel is more than worth your sanity.

Once they get to your town, count the hours down until they leave.

Well, good news from the home front. The hoard of relatives has deminished in size and
length of visit. There will only be about 5 or 6 invaders coming and then for only about 2 hours. I can survive this, I think. But the ideas you guys have shared are simply great and with premission I will save them for future use.!

Wish me luck this Saturday. I'll let you know how this went

AUGH! The hoard left, finally! They were here for about 4 hours and I was and still am a wreck. They brought their own refreshments which was cool with me. All I have left is a mess to clean up.

I took the advise of you guys and pre set an "out". I set up a project I've been wanting to do. Got it set up on the patio and started it before they got here. Then
when things got to me I simply walked outside and started tinkering with my project.


Amazingly, no one followed me out there to see what I was doing. I do know that as
these people have visited Mom over the past several years she has told them about me and all this PTSD stuff. So they do have some understanding of what is going on.

But as the visit continued, I noticed one male cousin we have all labeled as weird.
But I looked in his eyes as he sat there being way to quiet.

He has it. I could see it in his eyes and on his face. He simply and presicely had the desire to run screaming from the room. I know that the predisposition to mental disorders in genetic and many of the members of our family have various types.

He is the first one I seen in person who has it. I felt so sorry for him. Every time I looked up or around he was in the bathroom. We all know what that is like. Right?

But anyway, I lived through the visit and am very glad it is over for another year.

Mom enjoyed herself and that is what really matters.

I survived the visiting hoard of cousins. Yea for me

364 days of freedom left before the hoard visits again.

Mom said this morning that she does not think she is going to agree to the "family reunion" next year. She said she felt like they came to meet up with each other
rather than to see her.

Mom said no one spoke to her after the initial arrival and hugs and stuff. We seem to be centrally located between all of their Florida winter homes. They are here all winter but come to see mom and have the "reunion" just prior to going back up north.

I felt the same thing but was not going to hurt mom's feelings by saying anything. They are using our place as their meeting place.

I had prepared no refreshments since this was Their idea and Their party. Last year they handled everything and all we did was arrange for the complex club house to be available to us for the day. They furnished the food, drinks, etc. Mom was sorta like the queen mum of the family. So this year should have been no different.

But as time went along they changed the plans and guess what They had no drinks or munchies. So one of them went out and got chips and coke. I hope they did not think me rude, but this was their party and they kept changing the rules without telling me.
They say they want to ask mom questions about the family since she is the last of the 7 orginal children. That's not why they do this. Our place IS the closest to all of them and I am a little pissed about this. Am I wrong???????