Hi... i am Revea. I am 20 this year, i was diagnosed with PTSD in December 08.

Although look strong on the outside and everything is going for me, internally i break down sometimes because of the things i went through in the past.

I been in 3 consecutive abusive relationships. Mentally, physically and psychologically. I feel broken and unwanted. I get flashbacks sometimes but it has been much better ever since i met my new boyfriend who respects and understands what i am going through. He has been giving me support all these while and i am able to gain back my confidence.

I have been having sleeping problems for 2-3 years. I can't sleep to fall asleep and if i do, i jolt awake at night. I would sleep for 10 hours or more on some days and i wouldn't see sunlight for weeks.

Sometimes i feel that something is out there to hurt me, something will creep up behind and stab me. So i prefer to sit in the corners so i know no one is behind and i can see everyone else from the view.

I would wish for this to end because there are so many things i want to do in my lifetime. There was two instances whereby my ex boyfriend would try to strangle me, i could have died. It made me realize that there is so much i want to do before I die.

Sleep disorder is the worst after effect... i would love to have a normal life and schedule so i can meet more people and have more time to work on my accomplishments.

I feel that being a survivor of PTSD has led to the development of my artistic abilities and mental development that surpasses my peers. I am basically multi-talented, i can work on anything and do well in it when others takes years to achieve that standard. Sometimes i feel like i am on a haywire out of control mood as my brain waves are irregular, although i don't know how that links with PTSD because i have not experienced this level of personal growth in such a short period of time. I feel that everything is speeding up and i keep setting higher and higher limits for myself.

Sometimes i feel that i have high expectations of people and if they don't live up to it, i feel very disappointed because i know they are capable of much more. I feel guilty for pressuring my partner to do well in his life, after all, he is my supporting pillar of strength.

Thank you for reading, i hope that you could share your experiences with me as well... it feels so alone going through this when everyone else is asleep....

Welcome revea,

Sleep is problem I think many of us face and hopefully you can find solace amongst us or possibly some answers that you have been seeking.

Hi Revea,

Welcome to the forum. Sleep disturbances - I know them well! I, too, tend to hold people to extremely high standards and have felt let down many times because of it.

You should check out the poll section of the forum. I started a poll there a while back inquiring about artistic abilities and PTSD. There are many of us on the board who consider ourselves artistic.

Best,
Rachel