My previous partner once said, 'just hurry up and get better', I said,' don't you think if it were that easy that I would have tried that technique already'. He did not understand and neither did I at the time. However, the more I did understand and want to share the more unavailable he became. He could not cope with it! He is not a bad person he just found it all very upsetting and confusing. He likened it to constantly having to suck snake poison out from me in order for me to survive, the only problem was that he was also becoming poisened.
He fell in love with happy, vibrant, confident, funny and loving Spirit. Once I had invested my emotions in him it became increasingly obvious that I was much more than just those charactersitics. Much more complex and fragile. I guess my concern now would be, do I tell future potential partners and when? Although in reality I do not forsee a partner for quite some time!

Spirit x

In the beginning of our relationship I didn't really tell my husband much because I didn't understand what was going on myself. But he stuck with me as I figured it out (and still am figuring it out). Sometimes I worry a lot that he will resent me for not turning out to be the same woman he fell in love with but he says he loves me even more now that he knows everything about me. Its hard, but I have to trust him in that.

I ask him sometimes now how much he wants to hear before I unload. Other times I give him the option by using e-mail and putting a disclaimer ahead of the tough stuff. That way he doesn't have to read it until he is feeling up to it.

I try to gauge his stress levels too and not unload too much when I know that he is feeling down or depressed. But ultimately he has always wanted to hear everything I have to say and I can't think of anything that I couldn't tell him. We figure that the more we both know (since I'm just starting with the therapy there is a lot that I am learning about myself too) the better we can work at it together. He can handle me better and I can be stronger for him when he needs that.

This post has really opened my eyes and was very helpful and insitefull...VERY

How much do I share of my experiences with PTSD...I was initially wary of sharing with my husband -- even though he's had military/combat experience. Maybe I didn't want to trigger anything in him...but through this current downswing, I'm opening the whole book (so to speak) to him. He tends to get very quiet and he listens deeply (even as he's said that sometimes he wants to close himself off because it hurts his heart to hear some things); sometimes he weeps at what I tell him; always he attends and loves me.

I have a very few intimate friends with whom I share as well...and one relative who knows a fair bit.

I'm very discerning about who I choose to reveal this aspect of my life to. Of course, there are the necessary ones, like my doctor, and soon, an insurance adjuster (I am in the process of applying for a long-term medical leave from my work -- have been away from there since late January).

I do not tell my husband when I am having an episode but I know he knows. I don't talk much about it due to he is a sufferer of PTSD himself since his son was murdered. He also has issues from his past of abuse but just told me it happened but no details. I have not pushed it.
He knows most of my past and feels bad for me and agrees I have had enough of traumas for a lifetime. I told him alot when we first met so there were no surprises afterward.
sunnydaze

I know what you mean, but hell if I know the answer. I've been dating a girl for a year and a half, and she knows some of my crap, but not all. But it's so obvious that I know she's picked up on what I didn't tell her. It would be weird to talk to her about it after all this time and if she wanted to know details, she would have asked. It's not that I don't trust her, I just think it would be awkward. I'd tell her if she asked.

Prolly.

I dated a guy years ago (who is still my best friend) and when I told him, he cried. A lot. I hated that. He seemed more upset than I did. Maybe I think my gf would get upset.

Anyway...it all seems so very awkward.

Hi Auburngirl

I was married for 5 years when I went through my trauma. My husband seen the old me, the trauma, and the new me. He was there for the first few months after, and for the PTSD diagnosis, but had to leave before a year was out.

If there is anything I can pass on to you, it is to be honest. I wasnt, I didnt share anything, and it really makes any space between you bigger. I dont mean you spill all your emotions, or even tell him what happened until you trust him, but he does need to know what he is getting into. For example, I have this speech I gave my boyfriend now about having issues from a past trauma, how everybody reacts differently but I struggle with.... It could have made 'em run, but it helped build the trust and acceptance between us.

As far as literature, the best I have seen is right here in this forum. It takes a while to get through it all, but it is worth it. I havent actually given my boyfriend any of that, I was worried it would confuse my issue with general issues of PTSD. But he has come to see my T, a couple months after we met, and my T was able to explain my patterns and help us find a way to communicate those. That was a GREAT experience for both of us. (he was hesitant to go, scared of 'head shrinks', but admits it helped us)

I do not share the details with my husband, he knows the overall issue but never the details, I think it would make him uncomfortable. The only person I truly share the details with is my therapist.

Hi Auburn Girl,
I've struggled on and off with what, how, and when to tell my significant other. When I initially told him, we were in our therapist's office. Later on, I went through websites and bookmarked them for him to read when he felt ready. It took several months for him to do so, but it helps to know that I am no longer as alone as I thought I once was. Take care, awedding