Among the many life lessons that I've learned with my PTSD, one of the last (and to me one of the most important ones) I've learned is to give myself time.

I have always been a very organized, scheduled person. Both in my business and private life. While it is applauded and rewarded in a business setting, in my home life it's been a source of a lot of irritation and complaint. Not from me…from the people who live with me.

When my PTSD decided to rear its ugly head everything in my life came to a screeching halt. I sought help and learned that I could, indeed, recover from this and have my life back. And I did this in the best way I knew how. I scheduled my recovery. I figured if I could keep myself on a tight enough timetable that I could get all of the crap done with (in a timely manner, of course) and be back to my life.

Unfortunately…or maybe fortunately…life had other plans for me. And schedules weren't a part of it. I've had to learn, mostly the hard way, that my recovery is something that doesn't have a timetable. At least not one that I've made. 'It is what it is, and for as long as it takes' has become a real mantra for me. Learning that healing is something that takes its own time has been a real eye-opener for me.

I wrote to a friend that I had begun to allow myself the 'luxury of time' in which to heal instead of trying to force it. What a relief it is to not have a schedule to keep! Even if it was my own. If it takes a week…so be it. If it takes a year…so be it. If it takes the rest of my life, well, then that's what it takes. Getting out of my own way, I've learned, has been the only way that I can heal.

I still have that neurotic, perfectionist who lives and dies by a schedule inside of me. I tried to get rid of her, but found she was a part of me. So I let her come out and play at work. There she's appreciated. But away from work I'm learning to be a more relaxed, less driven person…much to the delight of my family. And surprise, suprise-to the delight of me, too.

Lisa

Oh Lisa. I so hear you. That same perfectionist lives within me and I have been able to keep her more at work and less at home than I used to. Its funny but its only now I realise how difficult being neurotic is on those we love.

After being through the same struggle you have been through (PTSD aside) I recognise how great of an achievement what you are saying is. Well done ! And to be able to admit it is even greater!

Great job Lisa.....Learning to accept and relax is a hard one. Enjoy your new found freedom....

Thanks Lisa, That is very eloquently said. It's really good for a newbie like me to hear about the wisdom picked up by others along the way. Thanks so much sharing it. moonmaiden - Pat

Nicolette-Yes, I think being neurotic takes its toll on those who love (and live with) us. But as we work to learn to keep our neurotic selves a bit more under control, it's also nice when our loved ones realize that that's just part of the magic that's us. Whenever we watch the TV show 'Monk', my family laughs and says 'That's mama'. I laugh too because it's true.

Wendy-Learning to relax is tough work. Especially when raised that if the sun was up, you'd better be working on something. That good old Yankee work ethic in action! I've even learned not to feel the least bit guilty when I take a nap in the afternoon and the dishes haven't been done. Talk about progress!! LOL

Pat-Thank you for the compliment about wisdom. I don't feel very wise most of the time. Just someone who's finally learning instead of beating my head against the same damn wall again and again and again.

Lisa