Hello,

I joined this site and forum feeling good to find out that what I had been experiencing over the years were ptsd-like symptoms (have only taken diagnostics, not gotten a diagnosis). There was finally sense to the intrusive dreams, the intense response to triggering, the chronic mistrust and the disassociation.

Now, a few weeks after registering, I am stricken to find that I'm not feeling anything at all, though tears rise as I type that. I don't know where to start, what to do.

I'm around people a lot but feel lonely, though interacting is getting somewhat less challenging. Last year, fresh trauma renewed some symptoms that had calmed (overly startle-able, traumatic dreams). I had gotten into a relationship with someone who, as it turned out, had borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. He was physically violent in such manners as throwing a heavy glass tabletop at met, which struck, and bursting my door off it's frame with me just behind it. I had seven months of T after I got out of that situation.

At the moment, T isn't in my budget. That's why I came here. This nonfeeling thing is a surprise. It seems there are only tears, and nothing else...

Maybe you have to go through the numbness before you can reach a point where you can start feeling.

I think you should start a trauma diary here, and write down everything that ever hurt you. That will provoke some emotions. Once you start doing this every day you will start to feel again. It may not be a good feeling at first, but in the long run you will be healthier.

Take care
Tammy

Hi Tammy

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try it.

-Cindy