I can so relate to this thread. Even after going through years of therapy and learning better coping skills. When things get really bad, I still revert to old bad habits. It brings relief from overwhelming anxiety, but it is very frustrating.

One thing my brother said to me last summer keeps echoing in my head. As a substitute to alcohol, and cutting I picked up smoking 5-6 years ago. I am 50 now. My brother said to me, "We all have vices, and if that is your only one I can deal with it.". I thought that was a compassionate statement and put it in perspective on a sort of scale - Good, Bad, or Life Threatening.

OK, OK, I hear you all shouting - cigarettes cause cancer, they are life threatening - I know I watched my Father die from Lung Cancer. But compared to a real present threat, such as cutting or suicide, it can be a temporary fix.

I am presently trying to stop smoking. I am down to four cigarettes a day. I'm trying to substitute healthy habits when I want a cigarette to relieve my anxiety or anger. Take a walk, a shower, write a poem, whatever.

...you GO, girl! I am (yet again) going smoke-free. Today is Day One.

Found out last night that my father has early-stage emphysema (which my mother died of six years ago).

Whatever it takes!

Roo

maybe we can do it together .... on second thought maybe I'll start a thread about changing negative coping skills with positive actions?

Thanks ROO! I think of Tigger everytime I read your call sign. I used to be a Tigger personality before all this, ahem, stuff.

Hi, Cindy...I chose the nickname "Roo" in honour of one of my cats. Our Roo is 11 years old; has been with us since she was 10 weeks old. She's one of those quiet, serene presences (except when our two kittens are driving her batty and hissy!)...one of what I call my "original holy trinity" --> the other two cats have died...

I used to be considered a Tigger-like character by some of my friends 'cause I was such a bouncy thing...

roo;

are you still bouncy. I've lost mine. Rarely, but once in a while, when I'm teaching my students tigger comes out but NOT often. This makes me real sad. I want me back.

Hi, Cindy...

Lately, no...bounciness is not happening. I'm in a major depression and just getting vertical is enough challenge...

I want me back too.

You teach...what ages are your students?

Roo

Roo and all:

I teach 9th grade hormones on feet in an inner city school. Each day is unpredictable. I love my job and students. Many a day I use both to distract me from me, and pour myself out on my instruction and guidance I offer collegues and students. I have been in this field (4th profession) for 27 years. The subject I teach is High School Science, my previous professions were all in science research both field and laboratory settings. I am 50 years old physically and mentally have the capability to be any age.

Wow... sorry for the belated reply... I've only recently been participating in the forum again after a break....

Thank you more good feedback on my post... I'm really glad I did it, for me, and also if it's benefitted anybody else. Linasmom... dead right... there was relief myself in writing my 'story' of my past self-harm. It was incredibly good for me personally to look back at the reasons, the struggle, overcoming it and the aftermath of living without my trusty blade... it's as if it's finally 'closed the book' on it. I can officially announce my goal of 3 years no self-harm has been reached this week. Next aim... 5 years...

For me, those years have now been acknowledged here on this forum. The good and bad in self-harm was given it's acknowledgement -- and at long last a goodbye to it...it served me well when I needed it, but I don't need it anymore. I doubt that it will ever happen again... and if it does... I'll just deal with it again and move on from it again.

Thank you to everyone who shared their story here too.... we all cope in our various ways, we all do have our 'vices' indeed! And we're all at different stages with those vices of ours...

Cindy and Roo... I hope the giving up smoking is going well! Something I plan to do at some point in the nearer future...

Keep on keeping on guys....

THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! i self harmed yesyerday for the first time. I didnt realize excatly what i was doing until it was done and it scared the hell outta me! i'm so happy to have foud this fourum had it not been for your post i would have probably continued it at least until i seen my couseler. I know it was wrong and all i have to do now is find something thats not harmful and is productive to do instead. I have horrible anxiety and thats what brought it on also i was in public in a store squating beside my shopping cart in a deserted isle. I feel better knowing more. thank you so much for sharing!!!!!