I met my wife when we were 11, she was a friend of mine for a long time, I always adored her and as time passed she became my life. Watched the other kids in highschool act like immature kids, while I had a daughter on the way to worry about. Would have freaked most any kids out but I was happy, I had always wanted a daughter of my own. Got married to my sweetie, had Jewel, our blonde hair and blue eyes gremlin of mine. Worked for the canadian government and had a nice future lined up, with the plan in time to get Kristen to work with me on business ventures.

I now live in a messy apartment working part time at a video store, I work 2-3 days a week as its about all I can handle. I have uncontrollable bouts of sadness and anger and I have become an agoraphobe even though I used to be a polar opposite. I have wood boards mounted as punching boards in my apartment, so I dont put holes in the walls. I have a nice mazework of cuts and slashes on my arms too. I used to think cutting was something immature kids did to get attention, now I know the relief it can bring when your in deep pain, and I find it a annoyance having to explain to people what they are, so now I have worn long sleeve shirts for ages. I used to beat myself up telling myself that they died because I wasn't good enough to protect them and I didnt deserve them, Im finally past that now but I live (not live but exist more accurately) day after day really not finding reasons to stay, but for some reason I do.

Last Christmas was so hard. Friends calling up half expecting and half pretending everything is all hunky-dorey 'lets have some happy meaningless christmas talk on the phone', watching relatives and friends with their kids and wives, enjoying the time of year, kind of unintentionally leaving me alone to a corner to myself. Sometimes I think some of them wish I had gone with them so nobody would have to watch what is left of me go down the drain.

Well, anyways, my shrink doesn't care, so no reason anyone else will, so I will end my wasted autobiography on the 'Hi im a PTSD sufferer' catchphrase.

Hi Virinix, and welcome to the forum. If your Psyc doesn't care maybe you should consider finding another one that does. You deserve to be helped just as much as the next person.

There is a lot of info here to help you deal with and understand PTSD.

Take care
Tammy