My husband was diagnosed with PTSD almost one year ago at Fort Knox. He came back from Iraq in 2004 and has been on a seemingly self-destructive path since shortly after returning. There is also some pretty sever childhood abuse in his past, and we both believe that this is probably a contributing factor. We have been together for 15 years and I have to admit that he has never been as emotionally connected as most people. We both believe that he has probably always had PTSD from his childhood and that his deployment to Iraq has brought it to a point where it has to be dealt with.

He does get counseling one on one with a civilian counselor and also in a group setting through the VA. Up to this point, he has pretty much refused to attend any counseling together as a couple or family. I am dealing with infidelity, anger, drinking, lies, game playing, you name it. He has left our home multiple times and always ends up coming back, but the behavior never changes. He left two nights ago and I've told him that he can't come back this time unless he's prepared to give me something. I feel like I have given all the patience and understanding that I can, but he pretty much refuses to give me anything. I feel that if I continue to put up with his bad behavior, he will have no reason to try to change and that I will lose myself along the way.

I hope that I am doing the right thing. I don't want to add any more stress to his life, but I have to start thinking about myself and our children. Any advice and support I can get from both carers and sufferers is most welcome. I feel like I could explode with anxiety and depression, and anger.

Bless you all for being here and sharing your stories.

Angela

Angela,

In the end, your husband is responsible for his behavior, PTSD or not. Having PTSD and not admitting, or taking care of ourselves will have adverse behaviors as your husband is showing. He is using poor coping skills to hide what he is feeling, and going through... He is the only one has to want to help himself.

Take care of you and your children. If he wants to get the help then supporting him in his effort and learning about PTSD will be important for you.

I do understand that he has to want to help himself and I feel that he has taken positive steps in that direction with the counseling. I also understand that regardless of PTSD, he is responsible for his own actions.

I know that he needs my support, but it is very difficult when I feel that I am being treated like a doormat quite often. I have decided to take an assertive stance and let him know what I feel is acceptable and that I am here to support him as much as he needs, but that he must also return some of that by being respectful.

He did return home today with many kind words and talk of growing old together. I can only hope that he is for real this time. He has said similar things over the last 3 years only to take it back days later. The roller coaster is killing me.

I agree with She- Cat. Coping skills are not being utilized. No one here can judge you for not dealing with the abuse and for protecting yourself and children from the added stress of his destructive behavior. You have to make the best decision you can, in this moment to shelter your family. No amount of love or patience will change him, only he can change him, when he is ready and willing.