I just wanted to introduce myself and give a little background about how / I came to this posting. I was in the United States Army for 12 years (1995-2007), during this time I was deployed 7 times. I have been deployed to Bosina (two times), Kosovo, Kuwait (2 times), and I three times to the "sand box". I was in the Field Artillery and when I got out I was a section chief and had been one for a few years. During the inital invasion of Iraq I was a Section chief for an MLRS (Multiple Launch Rocket Systems) unit (1-39 FA, 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, GA)

During the inital invasion of Iraq we fired many missions in support of the 3d ID and the combined arms operations. After we "occupied" Baghdad our mission changed and we found ourselves in towns kicking in doors looking for weapons. This was different than any of the training that we had going into Iraq, but alas one that we took on with pride. After we returned home we were greeted at Hunter Army Air Field with a "Hero's Welcome" and I had a huge amount of pride in the job that we had done.

We returned in 2004 for a second tour and this time we were tasked with counter fire operations. This was a really easy tour and we spent the majority of it on the FOB (Forward Operating base) with little use for MLRS fires. (Again we were met with a Hero's welcome)

The third time that we deployed was January of 2005, which turned out to be a 13 month deployment. This time our mission would be completly off the scope of what we had done before. We were tasked with a duel mission. (we had 4 squads in our PLT) Two squads would pull convoy security / escort missions while the other two squads would pull shifts at the Division's interegation facility (DIF). This deployment proved to be very taxing on us. While in Iraq I pulled 7 months total of convoy security operations during which we came under attack many times. In a one month period we encountered 22 IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices), 15 of which detonated somewhere within our convoy. One particular incident happened around a town called Baquba (right outside of Baghdad) in which my vehicle was struck with an IED. My vehicle was hit and all 4 of our tires blew out and to top this off we took small arms fire and RPG fire in what you could consider an unblocked ambush. After a couple of moments of returning fire (things happen really fast) I noticed that my Gunner had been wounded by the shrapnal from the IED. We were able to get him down in the truck and our medic worked on him while we (as a convoy) returned fire and called in for support. We got the situation under control and were able to get my gun truck towed by a wreacker. During the course of this deployment we had to say goodbye to 6 of our fellow Soldiers. Lucky for me I wasn't one of them.

In a movie this is where the story would end and they would go on to say... He went on to work at blah blah and his wife and kids did blah blah. Alas this isn't a movie and this isn't how things work out for people IRL. When we returned I was happy to be home and I was looking forward to the fact that I was 5 months from ETSing. Things seemed to be going really well.

After I got out I decided to go back to school to get a degree in Business Administration. One day while I was driving home from school I noticed a box ahead of me on the side of the road. For reasons that were unknown to me at the time, I drove up really slowly and went out of my way to avoid this box. As I was driving by it I was suddenly thrust back to Iraq and all I could see was the earth around me exploding like an IED had gone off. I all of a sudden became short of breath and my pulse was racing. I had to pull over to the side of the road and try to compose myself.

This was the first of many incidents that I couldn't help but be transformed back into the sandbox. since this first incident happened I have had many nights where I wasn't able to sleep and many a drunken night where I just wanted to. I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I emailed the VA wondering if there was someone I could talk to for help. I was told that congress passed a bill that allowed for Iraq Vets to get 5 years of free medical care from the time of discharge. I went in today (well yesterday its after midnight now) and I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I have been trying to find out what I can about PTSD which is how I came across this post. It is really nice to know that I am not alone with my feelings and my turning to beer for support with them. I am hoping that I can talk to some other vets (while I am getting treatment from the VA) and that I can at somepoint return to the person I was before the war.. As they say "Some gave all.... All gave some!"

Hi Mark,


Thank you for your time spent in the service to keep all of us at home safe. I am so grateful for you and your brothers/sisters that share the responsibility.

Glad too that you found this site. There is a ton of info here and we all care, so jump in when you feel comfortable with doing so.

Therapy and meds will help if you decide to go that route.

Hi Mark,

Welcome to the forum.

Hi Mark and welcome to the forum. Thanks for serving in the military and I feel that you should be reminded that people do appreciate it.

Take care
Tammy

Hi Mark,

I hope this turns out to be a place for the both of us to understand this overwhelming and life altering condition. Please keep us posted on your progress. I have been working with my husband since January 2006 through the arduous and confusing and frustrating claims process with the VA.

I don't even know where to begin as far as the last two years of my life dealing with this, my husband's bahavior, the dysfunction, etc...Twilight Zone has NOHTING on this...

I wish you blessings...I wish us all blessings actually. Hope to talk with you all more.

Take Care

Hi Mark,

Welcome to the forum.

Just thought I would share something I learnt today. In a meeting today my pschologist described PTSD like this to me. Imagine a soldier heads off to Iraq he deals with horrific stuff for extended periods of time. Always needing to be on alert and ready for anything. Then he/she comes home they do well for awhile then suddenly they "crash" (my term). She explained that this is a delayed response and your mind does this for safety reasons. Its not possible to let your guard down in Iraq, but when you come home and this could be months or more they "crash" because it is now safe to do so. I recently had a delayed response and felt that I could connect to your post, not sure if her explanation makes sense to you but it helped me to understand myself a bit better as I was very confused why I was doing so well and than had a meltdown.

I wish you well in your recovery.

Roxanne

Welcome Mark.