I browsed this website a couple months or so ago and did not post my story. Here it is, it's a long one
I am 27, married and
live in Minnesota with my wonderful husband and my beautiful baby
boy, Graham.

On July 22, 2006, nine months into a perfectly normal pregnancy, I
woke up around 4:00 a.m. to a wet bed. Before I could even say
anything my husband sat up and said 'What's going on, Babe?'. I told
him I had either wet the bed or my water had broke. I did what every
first time mother-to-be does and called the hospital in a frantic
panic unsure of what the next step was. Much to my dismay, I was not
experiencing any contractions and only had mild back pain so I was
told to wait a couple hours or until my contractions were 5 minutes
apart before I went in. After the passing of a few very nerve-
wracking hours we went in to the hospital around 7:00 a.m.. I was
checked for dilation as well as for amniotic fluid. I was dilated
to 1 cm and I tested negative for the presence of amniotic fluid, so
I was sent home. After coming home rather disappointed, my
contractions started to pick up and get pretty painful and more
frequent. We returned to the hospital in the early afternoon and
were sent home again because of the lack of progress in labor.
After returning home again, the contractions were so intense and
painful that with each one I screamed and soon began to vomit as
well. My husband called the hospital and told them that I was in too
much pain to be at home and we were on our way once again. After
arriving in the evening I was checked for dilation again and was
only at 3cm. I was finally admitted and started on Pitocin to move
the labor along.

Two days later,(yes, TWO DAYS) on July 24th, it was finally time to
push that baby out. I pushed and pushed and PUSHED! My son just did
not want to come out. We were given two options at that time. We
could either have the doctor use a vacuum, which does carry the risk
of causing damage to baby's head and brain, or I could have a c-
section. We did not want to risk hurting our son, so I was wheeled
into the operating room.

The moment I met Graham for the first time was the most amazing
moment in my life. We had truly been blessed with a beautiful,
healthy baby boy. After being stitched up I was able to breastfeed
my son. As I was breastfeeding I began to feel lightheaded and the
hospital room started to look fuzzy (like the television does when
turned to a channel that is not working). I told the nurse I was
seeing 'spots'. I didn't know how else to describe it. My son was
whisked away from me and that is when things went downhill, to put
it mildly.

I was wheeled into a different room and surrounded by doctors and
nurses and my family. At this point in time, no one knew what was
wrong with me and I began to struggle to breathe. My blood pressure
had dropped very low and I was being pumped with fluids and IV lines
were being stuck into me wherever they could get them in. The last
thing I remember is having someone put an IV line into the right
side of my chest. None of the doctors or nurses could figure out why
I was having these complications. I had an oxygen mask on and kept
trying to tear it off. I felt like it was hindering me more than
helping. All I could say is "I can't breathe". My doctor and her
nurse kept insisting that I calm down. Calm down???? How in the hell
am I supposed to do that? All I could think is 'What is happening to
me? Someone PLEASE make it stop.' I felt absolutely helpless and
more scared than I have ever been in my life. Then I passed out and
eventually arrested.

When I woke up I was intubated and had tubes and IV lines
everywhere. The first person I saw was my husband. He asked if I
knew where I was. My question for him was 'Where is the baby?' . He
then told me that I had been airlifted to a different hospital.
After I had passed out the doctors performed an exploratory surgery
and re-opened my abdomen to find that I had bled out almost my
entire blood volume into my abdomen. My uterus had not clamped down
and continued to bleed after the cesarean. After cleaning out the
blood banks of three hospitals in our area, and receiving
transfusions of a total of 17 units of blood, I still continued to
bleed so I was airlifted to a different hospital in the Minneapolis
area. A team of doctors and nurses stitched up my uterus to stop the
bleeding and transfused an additional 7 units of blood. At this
point in time, my family was told that it could go either way. I may
or may not make it.

After 3 days in ICU, hooked up to a morphine pump,with a cesarean
incision as well as a vertical 7-8 inch incision, I was taken to the
postnatal area of the hospital. Up until this point, I had only seen
my son for the first 15 minutes of his life. Because of insurance
reasons, my son could not be transferred to where I was, so he lived
his first three days without his mother. To this day, that is
something that still bothers me and I think it always will. I was
reunited with my baby boy and tried to grasp the idea that I was a
mother and understand the caliber of the complications I had. We
were told that it was unsafe for us to have anymore children, which
we still struggle with today.

In order for me to have closure after my experience, I acquired a
copy of my medical records after seeing my OB. That was when I found
out, contrary to what my doctor had told me, that I had actually
arrested during the exploratory surgery. I was both shocked and
enraged that I had been lied to about something so crucial.

After a long road of recovery, a few post-operative complications,
quite a few tears,and a struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder
and post-partum depression, we are all doing well. I have never been
so thankful for the gift of life. I truly realize now how important
it is that those you love know how you feel. Family is so important.
I have never been so in love with my husband. I knew that he loved
me, but the level of his commitment and his love for me are stronger
than I can put into words. I am truly blessed to have such a
wonderful man in my life. Life is so precious, treasure every day
and every moment, and make sure to say 'I love you' as often as you
think it.

Although we are all 'physically healthy' I still struggle quite a
bit with my PTSD, especially the flashbacks, I have also developed
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder as well as Paranoia. I see a
phsychologist regularly and I am taking meds as well. There are MANY
ups and downs. Now I am going through a decent bout of the 'downs'.
I hadn't really dealt with the idea that I can no longer carry a
child. The reason I was told this is that my placenta was never sent
in for testing (which, I guess should have been done since I bled
out so much), so we really don't know exactly why I bled like that.
It could have been prolonged labor or an infection in the placenta,
etc.. So now I am considered a 'high-risk' case, being that we don't
know exactly what went wrong. That is the battle I am fighting right
now. That and the million dollar question :
WHY?.

Welcome to the forum Jess.....what a story! It sounds like your labour was a tough journey and I am glad that Graham made it safely. While you understandably feel bad about the first three days of not being with him, I think the upside is you are still here for him everyday!

Thanks Nicolette. It's been a very long road. I am doing much better than i was-just been kind of going downhill again lately. I want another baby!! Just knowing it may be too risky just HURTS soo much. Sometimes it completely consumes me. The ache is always there. It is just more prominent these days. Hopefully this forum will help.

Hello Jess. Welcome to the forum.