Hi

I am a bit scared and nervous, I have recently discovered I have PTSD and would really like to talk to someone who can understand what I'm going through.

To cut a really long story short I had a very unhappy childhood and then suffered domestic violence for 12 long years, I am now on my own with a 16 year old daughter and am feel very very lonely and isolated and don't know what to do, I'm really scared about the future, don't feel I have one and although my friends are "there for me", they're not really and I feel so alone and sad, I want to cry all the time and the only reason I keep myself going is for my daughter.

My doctor tried to persuade me to take SSRI's or SNRI's and I refused, I am taking 5 HTP which seemed to help at first but now I feel really low and am tempted to take SNRI's but am so confused, I can't make a decision about anything and feel I am on the inside and looking out and detached from everything that is happening around me. My job is very stressful and I'm scared for my boss finding out what I'm going through as he's very much a "get on with it" kind of person and very insensitive and selfish.

Just hoping someone out there will be able to help me somehow, don't really know how, I keep trying to reach out to people and there is never anyone there.

I am so lonely - some please help me

Welcome to the forum... We all do really understand what you are going through. It's very frustrating when you are trying to explain to other people what you are going through, and they can't grasp it at all.

It's hard to raise kids, work and try to be as normal as you can, when you feel like your life is falling apart. There is a ton of information here to read that will help you to understand better what you are feeling and some wonderful tips to help you. But you have to do the work, and be diligent in your recovery...

Welcome to the Forum...

Welcome to the forum. I also am alone with a son with special needs. He is my REASON for trying to understand, learn and heal from this.

Thank you all for your replies, I feel I need to expand a bit more on my last post, I have recently realised that I have PTSD, this is due to a very unhappy childhood culmulating in a relationship with severe domestic violence which continued for nearly 12 years, I left that relationship 6 years ago and recently my ex contacted me and was verbally abusive to me (he was on the phone), this set off a really strong reaction and I ended up in casualty due to the emergency doctor suspecting I was having a heart attack, it turned out to be heart palpitations due to the stress of the event, I have also been having nightmares, recurrent thoughts and images of the violent relationship to the point that it feels like I no longer have my freedom and the last 6 years have just about disappeared as I still feel I am in that abusive relationship.

I have tried various methods to help myself but still feel very lost, my doctor quite strongly recommended I should take SSRI's or SNRI's which so far I have strongly resisted and am currently taking 5 THP which is a herbal remedy and it has helped with the anxiety and the heart palpitations which seem calmer at the moment, he has also started me on some counselling sessions which I feel will be very helpful.

I have a million questions to be honest, but I guess I need to start slowly, wish I could just make it all disappear just like that but it's really hard to think I have to relive all the pain and hurt I have suffered all my life. My depression reached an all time low this weekend which is when google became my new best friend and I found the forum details and decided to contact you all. I really would like the best way to treat the PTSD please, I have read about various methods, such as eye movement therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy etc, but from calling around and getting frustrated this seems to be something that is very hard to come by in the UK and I wonder if you would be able to offer me any advise please? Also do you think with this kind of condition that it would be advisable to take anti-depressants? I tried SSRI's last Christmas when I was really low and although they helped, the side effects were particulary nasty and I would really prefer to manage this naturally if at all possible, the problem is that with the depression, I'm not a very easy person to be around at the moment and feel that if at least I feel better about things even if it is due to medication, things will be easier for my family (I'm on my own with a 16 year old daughter which can be challenging!).

Anyway, apologies for the long post and I look forward to hearing from you.

Welcome to the forum Brownsuga..
I hope you'll find helpful information and aiding tips here.

Brownsuga,

Remember that you are not alone you have your daughter, friends, family, and now us. Feelings will change, happiness will come.

Stange, but what will sometimes help me is the rain. Perhaps it is because I am from Oregon. I picture the rain blowing in the wind from the ocean, and then it falls hitting the land, nourishing and changing us. The water finds the way to the river and flows back to the ocean, to start again. My emotions can be anywhere in the process. A wind storm that feels like a tornado, or a gentle breeze that feels like hope. The only thing that is always the same is the water moves. Feelings of being alone will move.

Sometimes works for me. Welcome.

Tachiku