Hello, I want to say hello to everyone who wants to read this. I have spent the last year living in fear and anger because of a traumatic event which at first I felt ashamed of and did not tell anyone outside my immediate family; husband mainly. I ended up at the doctor 11 months later who diagnosed me with PTSD and prescribed antidepressants. 3 months of that I hoped I might die, stopped taking them as I was also drinking too much and passing out on my laptop too often. Then I got laid off my job of 15 yrs and am now collecting unemployment. What a relief! Rest and peace. Time to think, spend time at home for a change instead of running the race. Getting to know my daughters again. My heart goes out to anyone who has lived in this survival mode of anger/fear/hyperawareness for any length of time regardless of the reason and kept it mainly to themselves out of fear of unintentional retaliation on the job, i.e. being perceived as unfit or weak hence picked over by the fitter or stronger members of the group. I worked with some very aggressive, focused people and was expected to keep up like always.
Lack of sleep; I used to sit straight up in bed every morning at 4 am in a panic. Finally over a year later I can sleep through the night without using anything. 7.5 hrs has been the max which is great. My situation may be lightweight compared to other more serious cases but I still experienced these awful things and wanted to talk about it and say that I see light at the end of this tunnel and while it may be a train coming the other way,
I at least have had a few tiny glimmers of hope and laughter helps me.
Thank God for my daughters.
Thanks for viewing,
bustedflat

Hi bustedflat and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

Tammy

Welcome to the forum Bustedflat...

HI busted,

Welcome to the forum...

On here we have walked in each others shoes.

Thanks for that!
Does anyone have issues with cleaning the house, doing laundry etc? I sure do and it's not a lifelong thing, used to be so rushy rushy getting things done, now I just think
It'll be there tomorrow, I'll do it when I'm good and ready. Whassupwiddat....
maybe just went from resting from physical/emotional/mental/spiritual burnout and exhaustion into couch potato?

I have to say that the "walked in each other's shoes" response touches me and I don't mean to be too specific here toward any one member but I am touched by that response and think it's almost as good as the footprints thing and I want you to know I really appreciate it. Thank you Irton Pike. :)

Hi there----I have immense issues with cleaning the house and laundry. I, too, was in a high gear job where I was working with other very highly functioning people and expected to keep up. Then a bunch of trauma happened in one 8 month period (some of it at work---a friend and co-worker died tragically), and I stopped sleeping and just was unable to function.

Now I have been off work, on disability for 2 1/2 years and and still unable to sleep. But it's like I have gone from managing a fulltime job and volunteering and keeping up the house, to being unable to do anything. I just can't seem to make myself do the laundry, do any housecleaning, or even cook. Thank god it's only me and the pets, although maybe it would be good to have someone else to help around here.

But it's weird----it's like I've gone from 100 mph to a standstill.

Don't think your trauma is minor----I sometimes think like that too, especially reading some of the stories here. I try to remember that what matters is how we are all affected----everyone's story is different, but we share common reactions. It gives me hope to know that others are surviving with the same feelings and also finding some humour in this.

Sorry to ramble on.....it's late and I am not sleepy so I am kind of rambling.

Rivergirl

Hi there,
If that is rambling it is extremely coherent rambling.
Sorry about your friend/co worker. That must be very hard.
Yes from 100 mph to a screeching halt describes my state accurately too. I believe this too shall pass, it is a period of change. I appreciate you
letting me know to let myself have the symptoms and not minimalize it.
True I am no combat veteran or victim of horrible physical attack.
My values have changed, I don't see high powered work as important any more and must not let the guilt over missing out on my family rear it's ugly head. I provided well for them at least though don't know what the future holds yet in that department. I do not want to go right back out there and put myself in another demanding situation, I know that. My husband was Mr. Mom due to health issues and it just made sense but that is not going to fly any more. He is in rehab and I am enjoying the time apart. He was pretty miserable and negative and it's much nicer to be alone for a change and not deal with his issues. Selfish? You bet. Long time coming.
Did you ever try to 'do the right thing' only to realize it was at your own expense?
Thanks,
bustedflat