Childhood PTSD

I was abused and i still am. I am never going to abuse someone. I have ptsd. I take zoloft. I also have other problems. I have mild mental retardation,adhd,depression,panic disorder,ptsd,deafness,communication disorder,and sensory issues.
I take zoloft,wellbutrin,and ritalin.

That is some very positive stuff DTB... and its good to hear that you are one of the one's who are not willing to follow in the footsteps, instead, break the cycle of abuse. Well done.

What do you mean when you say "I was abused and I still am?" Why are you still being abused? Is this in relation to actual abuse from another, or now the ongoing abuse from yourself as a result of previous trauma?

I have noticed that I have a penchant for saying just the thing to hurt others. My mother passed her ability to hurt me on to me and I use it to hurt others. I don't like to get physically aggressive, but when I'm feeling angry, I'll verbally take it out on others.

Article in informative and thought provoking, but I feel sick to my stocmach reading it. I remember a community professional responsible and charged with shooting his estranged wife. His defense was childhood abuse. My thought was angry. Wow, I suffered a great deal of ongoing abuse without any release in sight and through all my frustration and rage toward others, I always felt some sense of sanity, control and choose when it came to deciding. In the past, I entertained visions of intiating highschool shootings, before they were in the media. I didn't do it. I crept up on step-father, while asleep, with loaded gun but, didn't use it. ...and more, but I didn't do it. Perhaps wrong and faulty thinking on my part in making comparison. I Do know that I buy few to No childhood abuse defenses. We must be responsible!, grief stricken or not. PTSD, or not. One exception, my own perpretrators, psychologically I often excuse them, concluding I must have deserved this.

i don't remember a conscious decision to "break the cycle" myself, and i worried some that i would hurt my children, if i had any, but i did not. my children made my life worth living, and i wanted them to know i loved them. i think i just had a very different temperment than either of my parents. sometimes my husband will call me by my mother's name, just to see my reaction. it bothered me that he might think i am like her, but he said no, he was teasing, not funny! i hate to hear people blame a crime on abuse too. it may be true, and unfortunate, and it is responsible for a lot of feelings, but the person must take responsibility for their actions when they put legs on those feelings.