Just wondering how long it took some of you to be able to talk to others after the trauma.

I'm in the awful habit of stuffing everything because I've had to be my own therapist for so long. As a result, speaking up in any crowd is enough to freak me out a bit. Even posting messages is hard, but I know I have to get this stuff out or I'm going to go postal on someone who doesn't deserve it.

How did you all loosen up enough to be able to talk to others?

The end of the world was coming and I knew it was deal with it now or face the unpleasant consequences. Saying that, I still find it very difficult to talk about and my therapist must think it's like getting blood out of a stone! I find it easier here, because there is no pressure to speak. You can always use the trauma diaries part of the forum if you don't want to tell the world yet.

Welcome to the forum Eagle.

hey, Eagle. welcome . i had so much trouble talking, i didn't think i ever would. i have found it is easier to type. i actually ended up taking my therapist copies of what i wrote in the diaries, becuase i couldn't do it. she was then able to draw things out of me a little at a time, til i could talk about it.

I've never really had a problem talking about mine at all, unless they're asking about what my ex step brothers made me do and uber specific details such as that. I can tell most without feeling a thing, really. Once in awhile I may shed a tear or two, but that's it. I think I've just desensitized myself to it. Like it didn't happen to me

Hmmm... that is a problem kell. Talking about it is good, but the desenitization is bad. You must accept your trauma to truly heal. Accept that it is part of your past, and you can leave it there, in the past as what it is, memories good and bad.

Eagle... Its actually really easy here, because your not judged. You just start typing, pick one specific incident, and type from start to finish, hit submit and leave it at that. You will get a reaction generally, but that is normal. I would suggest maybe reading the information in the trauma diaries, to gauge some examples of how to get things out of you, the effects you will have, etc.

Getting Started With Exposure Therapy
Trauma's Interaction With The Brain
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for PTSD
Exposure Therapy for PTSD

That should help you along a little....

Eagle3 there was ongoing trauma in my life at the age of 4/5, now 35 yrs. later I still have never spoken a word on this. I did however participate in near 3 OTH workshops in 95, 96, 97 in which though I didn't speak on the subject, powerful emotions resulted and were released. The high intensity of it, was remarkable and much was re-lived (flashbacks) and acknow. by me for the 1st time in yrs. Not very realistic though as it cost hund. of dollars. I'm willing to do anything pract. and 'beneficial' these days as my PTSD would just randomly step in, out of the blue, take the reigns when it dam well felt like it, and threaten my families security. ('Not in an abusive way, more so in an 'I have to leave, to protect this family way.') I too have found this forum a godsend'. Typing and exposing the trauma, my own observations and the nonjudgemental feedback has in a short time already had benefits. Other trauma, (of yrs. later) such as the one I'm addressing now I have repet. and yet min. blurted out, as I would find my emotions and anxiety overwhelm. and it just had to come out. This was ineffective and frust. though as the people I'd spill it out to were preocc., involved in tv, sleep, respons., their own thought, or another subject. I'd only agitate others and come up all the worse for it.

The ways in which i've become ready is through necessity, horr. psyche pain, safe present circum., and now opportunity and surrender. Am I really loosened up about any of it? Not much, but Willing because what's the alternative?

The best to you, Eagle3

I hit rock bottom. I have only one other way out of my nightmare so I am having to do it now. I do not have to look someone in the eyes. They do not "know" me, yet these people here know more about me than anyone I know. I have a hard time telling the therapist everything, I have a hard time telling people here some things, some at this time I can only bring myself to go to Anthony with. I know in time I will be able to lay it all out there and make it public domain once it makes sense in my head.

But being faceless and unknown hence "veiled" makes it a whole lot easier especially when you are not judged and are guided (or sometimes pushed) which way to go once you do start to open up. Once you start to see results you are more willing to look within you and pull more out. You get what you put in as they say.

Today I am not dying. Today I am not on the way to the hospital again. Today I am way down on my drugs dose almost off. Today I am not suicidal. Today I can get my panic attacks and control them mostly. Today and the last couple have been so extremely hard for reasons I have in my diary and in a private area. Those things would have made me at one point be all those things above. Today I am not because I am willing to go where I am guided, and opening up and getting it out so it is not carried alone pent in is the first step. For me it was try this or die. I was out of options.