I was supposed to go to a funeral today, school was a half day, because the funeral was there. i was going to just change from my uniform and go, but as the day wore on, i was getting shakier and shakier. the funeral was for a past acquaintance, never really what i would call friends, but friendly. i never got so shakey because of something like this before. it has nothing to do with any of my trauma, so i don't quite understand. i went to the funeral home last nite for the viewing, and i noticed then it was bothering me some. (there were a lot of people i did not know) so we said our condolences and left. i decided not to go because i wasn't sure if i could take it. i already have therapy tonight, and it always just wipes me out any way. maybe this is dumb, i am beginning to see that i have a very curious mind, want to know the why of everything, when it makes no difference anyway.

Cookie, that's not dumb at all,
this is what you want to be doing!
Rather than just saying your anxious, you are actively trying to figure out why! THis is great!

Once you figure out the "trigger" for the anxiety,
you can then start working on it.

You mentioned that "there were a lot of people I did not know"...
did it occur to you that maybe that could have done it?
The fact that you are going somewhere out-of-the-ordinary (hopefully)
which was full "strangers" would definatly do something to me.

I'm glad to see the curious mind, cookie
because figuring things out can only make you better.
Don't accept the anxiety, question it, and analyze it.
It will make a difference

Take care cookie,
Y&A

I would see any aspect of a funeral able to do it, and if you thought it would be too much to go, I am glad you did not. I had to not go to my grandfater's. Yes, he was much closer and I don't deal with that side of my family at all except my grandparents (truly wonderful people who produced a lot of asses somehow).

The fact of being around so many you don't know to the point of facing someone's death can all be earth trembling.

Wal Mart and grocery shopping to going out to eat have nothing to do with my trauma but send me flippy anyway because it isn't always something that has to be related to our original stress that gave us PTSD. Just stress triggers too... I hope you feel better soon Cookie

Maybe it's about being close to something that remineds us of our own close call....I did not go to a funral recently becuse I know I would of flipped out.And thats o.k. to pay attention to what may be trigering you.Be-sides chances our you would have felt very sick the rest of the day and frazzled beyoned belief .I know I would have. Please forgive my miss speling I tend to pronunciate things incorecttly if you know what I mean.

Cookie,

Well done; you're looking for answers...kinda like the Montessori method of learning!

Too many people, perhaps?
Facing our own mortality?
Anxiousness about therapy?

These and more questions could possibly have the answers. Keep plowing ahead in your quest for answers. After all, if we didn't seek answers, we wouldn't learn!

Cookie - anxiety can strike in so many different situations, especially one that is frought with other emotions. I think that it is great you figured out that it was bothering you and you did the right thing by not going.

Cookie, your now seeing the difference between PTSD and Trauma. Your initial trauma's are what caused your PTSD. PTSD though, once formed, is a seperate and unique entity, being the chemical imbalance within our brain (brain rewired). We must heal from our initial trauma/s to ensure our PTSD can relax, though this is what I talk about when I mention managing your PTSD forever, in that what you now expose yourself towards will also interact with your PTSD (rewired brain). Healing and managing, two very different aspects. We heal so calm our PTSD, we then manage to ensure we not expose ourselves to intentional trauma beyond our scope of reasoning, or short burst high intensity moments, all of which our PTSD will attract attention, thus PTSD produces anxiety, depression, etc etc etc within us as a result.

An easy breakdown:

Initial trauma > PTSD is formed > heal initial trauma to help our formed PTSD symptoms reduce > PTSD is still present, just relaxed > new stressor / trauma / incident occurs > relaxed PTSD now activates again pulling the rewired brain to produce the symptoms of PTSD... letting us know we pushed our minds too far.

This is where dares help, in that we intentionally irritate our relaxed PTSD in order to get past our PTSD whilst relaxed and into our amygdala within the brain, to train it so it no longer responds when we are exposed to "x, y & z". Basically, if you intentionally exposed yourself to more funerals each time your PTSD relaxed a little, you could retrain the brain to no longer produce fear of such events, thus the PTSD remains relaxed whilst attending a funeral. Same occurs when shopping, etc etc etc...